Posts Tagged ‘self-help books’

Leaving it to Fate

     I celebrated the New Year with good friends at a small family owned bar.  They treated patrons to a champagne toast every hour until our time zone reached midnight.  My wingwoman, Half-pint, was picked up by a twenty-year-old kid, and I was followed around by his older cousin, Puppy-Dog, for a majority of the night.  At the end of the night, when my friends and I decided to leave, Puppy-Dog had the gall to grab his coat and exit with us.  Hey Buddy, following me around all night like a puppy-dog and not once even attempting to buy me a drink, isn’t exactly paving the way for a New Year’s shag.  Just sayin’.  Needless to say there was no shag-time, and even though he asked for my number, the comment of, “If nothing ever happens, I just want you to know I had a good time tonight,” clearly pointed out that he was never going to use my number.  I was spot on with that call and haven’t heard from him…and I’m not losing sleep over it either.

     The first week of the New Year down, and the dating “project” for this year decided, it is time to share.  Now, this decision may bring tears to some of your eyes, as it did with Buddha Babe, but it must be done.  In my years of date-blogging, I have tackled online dating, a self-help book, speed dating, set-ups, etc.  It is time to try the only thing I haven’t tried…FATE.  This year I’m leaving the luck of my love life to Fate.  That being said, my date count will drop drastically not leaving me much to blog about.  So, unless Fate sets in motion something earth-shattering, this may most likely be my only post this year.  Don’t fret too much, I’ll still be tweeting it up from time to time.

     I thought giving myself and blog a proper send-off was in order, so I compiled a “The Best of Zia” list to keep you entertained in my dating absence.  

Post that was  numerously retweeted, reposted by other bloggers, and stirred up a hefty comment discussion: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

A Sample of the Prince Charmings that I’ve come across: Careful What You Wish For 

Even in my non-dating life I find rare jewles…and, well, maybe posting on Craigslist had something to do with it too: Oh, Sammy Boy

Zia in a guest appearance: Treasure Down Under 

Example of how I’m a class-act on a date: More Bug Wine, Please

     Thanks for reading, and best of luck to all of you in 2012.  Go out there and get your flirt on!


What a Dish

     One of the tricks of the trade Dr. D shares is to keep changing bits and pieces of your online dating profile to keep it fresh and on the “new” list.  One of her suggestions is to have two of your best friends write up one paragraph describing you.  Then you use it to help you write your profile.  I asked my two besties and this is what I got:

Words from the lovely Mama J:

My best friend is witty, trustworthy and confident.  She provides a fresh, unique perspective on the everyday things.  I find her honest, energetic and full of random, but substantial ideas.  I know I can rely on her for anything, no matter whether it’s to talk about my day, a dream I want to share or needing help with a project.  If I find myself sad or depressed, I can always count on her to cheer me up with her amusing slice of life.  She can be a tomboy, but willing to dress up for the right occasion.  Location is no obstacle for our friendship because we always pick up right where we left off.  I know that she is only a phone call or text message away.  I love her like a sister!

Words from the dazzling Suzy Q:

There are words to describe some people and for others, there are not enough wonderful words and one must just experience being in their presence.  My friend, Zia Zitella, is one of those people. I could tell you that she is an amazing cook (and she is!), but really, what does that say about her?  She is a whiz in the kitchen, but that doesn’t describe how the taste of the food is enhanced by the great conversation and laughter that accompanies the delectable dish she has created (and trust me, I’ve never had anything that she’s made that I haven’t LOVED).  To tell you that she is a wonderful cook is just the tip of the iceberg.  She is youthful in her looks and spirit, and yet beyond her years in wisdom.  She is fun and always up for an adventure.  Want a traveling buddy?  She’s the one you call!  While there for the fun times, she is also there when advice is needed or an ear is needed for listening.  She is an every woman – comfortable in tennis shoes or heels, on a hike,  at a theater production, or watching the game – she’s living life to the fullest and anyone who gets to share anytime with her is a lucky one indeed.

     I don’t know.  What do your friends say about you?  After reading this, I’d do me.

Dating Three

            Part of Dr. D’s brilliant plan is, “The Dating Program of Three.”  You date three different men at the same time to find the one.  When one relationship fades out you simply replace him with a new guy. –I’m really liking her style.
            There are a couple of rules. 1) You can only see the guy once a week. –Works for me.  Most people get on my nerves if I see them too much anyway.  2)  No sex with any of the three until you “graduate” to exclusivity with just one. –This has not been a problem since I have not been too physically attracted to too many of them once they opened their mouths and started speaking.  However, after last Monday’s date this could pose as a challenge.  With each guy you fade out, you replace him with a better guy.  If I start going on too many dates with guys I am attracted to, I’ll be walking around all “juiced up.”  And then whoever does manage to “graduate” the program with me is going to hit the mother load.
            Last week I had three dates.  Here’s a recap and a projected outlook for these guys:

Monday Night

Guy: Cowboy

Date: Met at coffee shop.  Impromptu.  Called that night around 6pm and asked if we could “run into each other.”

Conversation: Good flow

Bonding Moment: Laughed over the barista’s resemblance to a caveman

My Shining Moment: He had a little cough from a dry throat and I fished through my purse and found him a buried (very old) cough drop.

His Shining Moment: Peeled the cough drop best he could and then ate it with a good bit of paper on it.  It’s no bug wine, but still.

Hugger: Best so far.  None of this pat-on-the-back-inches-apart-turn-to-the-side-one-armed-smell-my-armpit type hug.  He used both arms, leaned in, and squeezed.  My mangoes actually touched his chest and he wasn’t awkward teenage boy about it.

Contact After: Got a quick little email that night about how much fun I was. –Hey, I put out a good mango-touching hug.  I’m a keeper.

Status: Want to see this guy again.

Tuesday Night

Guy: Bombay Joe

Date: #3, his place –ugh.  Rule #2, no sex.  So I prayed he wasn’t thinking and hanky panky was going to take place.

Conversation: No problem as usual.  I like him because he’s funny.

Bonding Moment: His attempt at kissing me

Kisser: Horrible.  I had no idea what he was trying to do.  During his attempts, I thought, “well maybe if I turn my head this way.”  No.  “How about if I,” –Nope.  “What about…” –No.  At one point he put his entire mouth around mine, slobbered and sucked in.  WTF?  By the end, my chin was a slobbery mess.

His Not-So-Shining Moment: For whatever reason, he thought rubbing his nose all over my face was romantic?  Attractive?  A turn on?  Why the hell would I want your nose in my eye or in my ear?

My Shining Moment: Not laughing. –Well, not out loud.

Contact After: None.  Made plans during the date to see him the following week.  This was prior to the kissing fiasco.

Status: Seeing him again, but only if he calls and to give him the “kiss-off.”

Wednesday Night

Guy: Thumber

Date: Dinner at a lounge I chose.

Conversation: Eh, okay.  Nothing to write home about

Bonding Moment: Shared the same liking for the birth order theory

His Not-So-Shining-Moment: Pulled out his cell phone and showed me how his app for karma sutra.  Claims it is better than the i-phone version because they only have stick figures demonstrating the poses and his has more realistic drawings.

His Other-Not-So-Shining Moment: Talked about ex, came across as not being over the relationship.  Although, he said that during the relationship he knew she wasn’t the one but stayed with her for SEVEN years!

My Shining Moments: Not slapping him for the karma sutra app demo and not walking out after he talked about his ex. –Hey, food wasn’t bad.  Wanted to make sure I got my doggie bag out of the crap hand I was dealt for the evening.

Hugger: Two-pat-on-the-back

Contact After: None –No chance of a second date for this guy.

Status: Disappointed.  Email banter was so good, but the hype didn’t live up to it in person.

Guy’s Dating Destruction

     Okay boys, your turn.  Dr. D gave women thirteen Deadly Dating Patterns, but guys . . . you have sixteen that you could fit into.  Here’s my take on them:

1)  SHY GUY – This wall isn’t going to stand up on its own.

2)  GEEK – What do you mean Magic: The Gathering isn’t an aphrodisiac?


4)  THE COWARD – AAH!  What’s that!?  Oh, it’s just my shadow.  I’m okay, I’m okay.

5)  BURNT TOAST – AKA – Baggage.  And wears it like a badge.

6)  THE PETER PAN – Hi, I’m 40.  Mom does my laundry.  When she goes to buy groceries, I sneak down into the basement and get high.

7)  THE NEW AGER – A player in hippie format.

8)  THE TROPHY SEEKER – Here’s a Coach bag, an Armani dress, and a Tiffany’s necklace.  Now, please stand here, shut up, and smile.

9)  THE COMMITMENT PHOBE – A ball and chain is for criminals.  I’ve done no wrong, don’t fence me in.  Augh, I can’t breathe – open a window – your love is killing me.  How dare you.

10)  THE GRASS IS GREENER – A petite red-head just made eyes at me.  But wait, the blonde model is coming this way.  Hey, did you see the feisty brunette around the corner?  I’m going to get a closer look.

11)  THE FLAME OUT – Is “I love you” wrong to say on the first date?

12)  THE SLACKER – I am so busy.  Doing nothing takes up a lot of time.

13)  NOT PERFECT-I’LL PASS – Sadly I have a personal story for this one.  Amazing right?  Someone thought I wasn’t perfect.  As ADD said to me once:

     ADD: You’re awesome, like no one I’ve ever met.  I recently found out I have ADD.  Do you have anything?

     ME: Huh?

     ADD: Any mental disease or illness?  I love those.

     ME: No.

     ADD: Ah.  People’s mental imperfections really turn me on.  Too bad.

14)  THE ALCOHOLIC – ’nuff said.

15)  THE PLAYER –  In the words of George Michael, “I Want Your Sex.”

16)  THE PRICK – Hi.  I’m God.

      Men, are you aware of any of these habits?  Ladies, which of these have you stumbled upon?

Loveless Eulogy

     Throughout this self-help book, Dr. Diana forces us to do Inner Work and Outer Work.  The Outer Work comes in the form of our “homework” and is meant to be done out in the real world; i.e. saying hello and joining groups with men in them.   The Inner Work comes in the form of “exercises” and is meant to be done as you read.  And probably not meant to be shared via blog, but where’s the fun in that?

     I just finished up my second week of the program, which means I just completed the second chapter of the book.  This chapter helps us figure out our Deadly Dating Patterns (more on those later this week) and “self-sabotaging” ways.  I was flabbergasted at the fact that she uses the term “self-sabotaging” three times within two pages.  Ladies, come on, how much are you attacking yourselves? 

     Having spotted my Deadly Dating Patterns, I moved onto the exercises.  If I don’t change my ways and make room for love, this may be what the future holds for me.

Chapter 2 Exercise #3  The Loveless Eulogy

Zia took the bull by the horns in all areas of life – except love.  Love was a foreign substance to her.  She never experienced, felt, or knew what it was.  Without love in her life she found the time to knit her entire wardrobe, inherited seven cats, and with all the working out, had buns of steel into her late nineties.  Once Zia hit 100, she set a new goal of achieving supercentenarian status.  She took up croquet in her early 100s and enjoyed her time with the youngsters at the nursing home.  She passed away in her lonely bed at the age of 114 and was greeted in heaven by her many feline friends.

Mmm…sounds exciting.

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