Posts Tagged ‘Subject lines’

Really, That’s the Impression You Want to Make?

          For anyone who has ever tried to contact someone via internet dating, standing out from the pack is crucial.  However, some of you should recheck your filter…

          One of my favorite subject lines I received was, “Quesadillas are good.”  – Hey, it did get my attention.  Granted, that was the only thing to get my attention.  Apparently he knew the merchandise he was trying to push.

          Another tasteful attention getter was, “On harnesses.”  Wonder how many he wins over with that one?

          Some of the subject lines are just average, normal, non-shockers.  For those, it’s the content of the email that gets you.

          Once had a guy email something about taking a chance on him or something along those lines.  I clicked over and read his profile.  Nothing of interest so I deleted the email.  I then got an email in ALL CAPS telling me I must not be as nice as I came across in my profile and shouldn’t judge people so quickly.  I was feeling generous that day, so I emailed back some advice:

“I actually did click on your profile.  You mentioned not judging ‘a book by its cover’ in the last line of your bio.  And screaming at me in ALL CAPS is not exactly making you look like any less of an ass.”

          Amazing how quickly I got an apology email. 

          I always enjoy the first email that asks you on a date.  But I got the smoothest one last night.  After giving me all the details to the event, which sounded very generic, like he’d been copying and pasting the same message until he found a taker, I scrolled down to see the picture he sent with the message.  It was him hugging another woman who was definitely not his sister.  Oh, and did I mention, he’s already contacted me before?  Buddy, pretty sure third time won’t be the charm either.

          Another great way to turn a woman off is to put this in the email, “You seem like you know what you want and you’re not the one to be playing games.  Hope to hear from you soon. Oh ya, if you pass me up you’d regret it and miss out on an awesome guy.”  

          Hmm…didn’t you just say I seem to know what I want?  Well, if I know what I want and I pass you up, then I’m pretty sure I know I don’t want you and therefore am not missing much.  Nothing screams desperation and idiot like telling a woman she’s stupid for looking you over.  Don’t worry cupcake, I still sleep at night.

          Now, my new favorite came in the other day.  It’s so horrible that I wouldn’t do it justice to only explain it.  I present to you, spelling and punctuation mistakes and all, direct quote:

Subject: Funny Stuff

“so theres this drunk right? now hes wasted by noon and decides hes gotta pee so he whips it out and starts going in the middle of the street now this lady walking by stops stares and starts yelling “what an animal what a beast what a monster” the drunk says “easy lady easy I got a good hold on him” hope that got you to laugh and hope youll give me the chance to laugh alongside you soon”

          Oh, I’m laughing, but probably not for the reasons you would like.

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Know Your Ranking

          I feel this needs to be said: Look in the mirror and get a good grasp of what league you’re in!  If you’re surfing and find a profile/picture you like, ask yourself, “do I have a shot?”  If you feel you do, think about it and ask yourself again.

          I can’t tell you how many old grandpas have emailed me.  Newsflash – I have no “daddy issues,” no desire to live the Zeta-Jones/Douglas lifestyle, and some may think you’re more distinguished but all I see are the wrinkles and gray.  There are some men out there who pull off their older age; those are not the people who’ve contacted me.

          Age aside, let’s venture into the Ugly.  People, have you never heard of “on a scale of one to ten?”  Let’s try and be somewhat realistic on the people you contact.

          Now, I’m no 10 but I’m not a 1 either.  I think everyone has a range.  I would place myself at a 6 for everyday and could go up to an 8 with the whole hair, make-up, heels combo, but those are rare occasions.  Like I said before, I don’t like doing all that work.  So, if I’m in that range, it’s perfectly acceptable for me to contact any guy in the 5-8 range.  A 10 would be pushing it, a 9 would require constant hair & make-up on my part, and a 4 or lower would want to show me off like a trophy and I don’t do Hollywood starlet spotlight.  I can sniff out these trophy seekers with their corny attention-getting subject lines like, “Quesadillas are good.”  – Yes, I actually received that.

          My last two contacts should have both read this.  This first one looked like Kenny Rogers and said he was 40.  Buddy, double-check that glasses prescription.  And the second one was a borderline midget with a lazy eye and an oversized nose.  And I’m Italian, so if I think your nose is big…

          Nothing in their profiles lead me to believe they actually thought before contacting me.  If these men actually read my profile they’d see that I workout, am very active, and want someone who can keep up.  Gramps would probably have trouble with stairs and Shorty would have to take 2 steps to my one.  He’d tire out just on a walk from the car to the restaurant door.

          If you’re feeling bold & daring one day and want to take a chance on contacting someone out of your ranking, do it.  Who am I to stop you?  But please read about them first.  They may out rank you but still possibly be in your league.