Archive for October, 2009

Know Your Ranking

          I feel this needs to be said: Look in the mirror and get a good grasp of what league you’re in!  If you’re surfing and find a profile/picture you like, ask yourself, “do I have a shot?”  If you feel you do, think about it and ask yourself again.

          I can’t tell you how many old grandpas have emailed me.  Newsflash – I have no “daddy issues,” no desire to live the Zeta-Jones/Douglas lifestyle, and some may think you’re more distinguished but all I see are the wrinkles and gray.  There are some men out there who pull off their older age; those are not the people who’ve contacted me.

          Age aside, let’s venture into the Ugly.  People, have you never heard of “on a scale of one to ten?”  Let’s try and be somewhat realistic on the people you contact.

          Now, I’m no 10 but I’m not a 1 either.  I think everyone has a range.  I would place myself at a 6 for everyday and could go up to an 8 with the whole hair, make-up, heels combo, but those are rare occasions.  Like I said before, I don’t like doing all that work.  So, if I’m in that range, it’s perfectly acceptable for me to contact any guy in the 5-8 range.  A 10 would be pushing it, a 9 would require constant hair & make-up on my part, and a 4 or lower would want to show me off like a trophy and I don’t do Hollywood starlet spotlight.  I can sniff out these trophy seekers with their corny attention-getting subject lines like, “Quesadillas are good.”  – Yes, I actually received that.

          My last two contacts should have both read this.  This first one looked like Kenny Rogers and said he was 40.  Buddy, double-check that glasses prescription.  And the second one was a borderline midget with a lazy eye and an oversized nose.  And I’m Italian, so if I think your nose is big…

          Nothing in their profiles lead me to believe they actually thought before contacting me.  If these men actually read my profile they’d see that I workout, am very active, and want someone who can keep up.  Gramps would probably have trouble with stairs and Shorty would have to take 2 steps to my one.  He’d tire out just on a walk from the car to the restaurant door.

          If you’re feeling bold & daring one day and want to take a chance on contacting someone out of your ranking, do it.  Who am I to stop you?  But please read about them first.  They may out rank you but still possibly be in your league.

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Measuring Up

          I have a guy waiting in the wings that I’ve been attempting to meet up with but the scheduling just hasn’t work out yet.  This has now given my mind time to wander and question how factual his profile actually is.  For instance, it says he’s Asian and 5′ 10″.  Well, that translates to 5′ 8″, if that.  Now boys, before you get your boxers in a bunch, allow me to elaborate why this is an issue.

          I met a guy about a month ago.  To this day, I don’t even really know why, probably boredom.  I was in no way interested.  He was an Australian doctor.  His profile said he was 5′ 7″.  Personally that is waaaaay too short for my taste, but like I said, probably boredom.  Or as my friends like to say, “giving the little guy a chance.”

          We arranged to meet.  He was over an hour late.  The only reasons why I stayed were one, he’s not from here and didn’t really know where he was going and two, I was catching up on some long distance phone calls and lost track of time.   When I realized how much time had past I was pretty ticked.  I knew he didn’t leave when he said he was going to and that screamed to me – maintenance.  I don’t do metrosexual.

          During one of my phone calls I told my friend that he said he was 5′ 7″.  She asked if I had intentionally worn heels and I told her I wasn’t.  I had a very strong feeling that I was going to be able to see over his head in my Old Navy flip flops. 

          He finally arrived and sure enough, clear view to Kansas.  The guy was probably 5′ 4″ on a good day.

          Here’s just a general note guys, if you’re on the shorter side and you list 5′ 7″ and you’re meeting a woman who lists 5′ 6″, take her word on it.  If you’re only dreaming you’re 5′ 7″ and turn out to be pushing 3 inches, she’ll notice.  If anything, she may only be 5′ 5 1/2″, but she’s probably pretty close to what she listed.  Guys who are 5′ 8″ – 5′ 9″ and list 5′ 10″ – 5′ 11″ and expect to take me to dinner when I’m wearing heels…let’s do the math 5′ 6″ + 3″ heels = 5′ 9″.  I’m not overweight and I’m not a petite barbie doll, I’m more on the sporty side and I don’t ever want to feel like I can beat you at arm wrestling or knock you out with a sneeze.

          What all this is saying:  You feel that your small size doesn’t match your big personality.  You’re insecure and noticeably uncomfortable with yourself.

          Women want a man who’s confident.  Embrace the small package you’ve been wrapped in and own it.

Conversation Stoppers

          Okay people, has no one ever told you that questions are the breath of a conversation?  How do you get to know people?  You ask them something.  Duh.

          The guy I contacted earlier this week had a great bio, and ladies the pic wasn’t bad either – oh man.  I sent him a short email, just complimenting his bio, not really expecting him to reply (he was a little too good looking.)  I was surprised when I got a response and doubly surprised when I read the email.  He actually made comments to things I had written in my bio to show that he had actually read it.  At this point I’m thinking he’s a little too good to be true.  His bio showed that he had a big heart, he responded with flying colors, and he was gorgeous.  If I was writing a cheesy romance novel, his character would make its way in.

          I responded to his email, asking a couple of questions to learn more about him.  He replied, answering my questions.  This happened twice, then I got bored and annoyed.  Here’s why:

Boredom: He would answer my questions and then ask the easy, thoughtless “and you?”  Never coming up with his own questions, leaving me to come up with a new question for the response email.  If one person does all the asking, it’s making them force the conversation.  Relationships can be difficult.  Getting to know people should be easy.

Annoyance:  The only thing he kept emailing was how pretty I was.  “Classic look.”  “Very beautiful.”  “You are stunning.”   
Guys, you may think you’re giving us a compliment but what the hell kind of conversation can spawn from the way I look?  I’m not that shallow and it makes me uncomfortable.  There is more to me than the way I look.  And believe me, I see what I look like when I roll out of bed in the morning and I’m not all that.

          It’s a shame really, he started off so well.  I was once talking to another guy who would text me “Good morning sexy.”  Vomit.  It makes my blood boil, not in a good way, and if I was in front of you, I’d deck ya.  Save the “you look amazing’s” for when she dresses up for a date with you.

          And now, what did we learn today?  Lesson 1: The best way to start a conversation is to pay someone a compliment, but not a shallow superficial one.  Lesson 2:  The best way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions, not continue with compliments on the other’s appearance.

New Guy, Old Guy

          On Saturday, I met up with a new guy.  Before meeting we had chatted on the phone a few times and I found him very easy to get along with.  It was comfortable but this comfort had already put him into “friend” category.
          When we met up, I noticed right away how he didn’t look much like his picture.  Guys, what did I tell you about this?  Had we not been on the phone talking to each other I would’ve walked right past him.  In his pictures he looked more “tough guy” when in reality he was a more of a “sleepy Urkel.”
          We walked & talked and sat & chatted for over an hour.  On a couple of occasions we finished each other’s sentences which kind of wigged me out a bit, but still very comfortable.  I felt that if we had mutual friends we’d be hanging out at a BBQ together.
          At the end we shook hands and he said he’d call me later and I believe he will.  He didn’t call the next day and he won’t do the 3-day wait thing.  He’ll probably call later in the week whenever it fits into his schedule and I’m good with that.  Just a vibe I got.  He’s a chill, laid back guy that I’m glad I met.  No sparks flying but I’ll keep him in the New Year’s mix.  I have no problem with my date being just a friend.  Basically, I just don’t want to ring in the New Year with a douche bag.  Would you?

          On a more entertaining note, I need to work on my duck’n’run technique a bit.  A while back I had gone on a date with a guy who spilled a drink on me, walked with a pole up his ass, was incredibly dull and talked about his ex-girlfriend for half the night.  I found it amusing that he emailed me the next day to tell me there was no connection.  Reeeeally?  Shocking.
          Anyway, yesterday I was walking to the store on my lunch break and notice a tall dark figure walking in my direction.  As soon as I noticed the pole up the ass strut it was an “ah, shit,” moment.  I put my head down but briefly made eye contact and prayed he didn’t recognize me.  Note to self: don’t go on dates with guys that live a few blocks away from the office.

The Drought

            As with dating in “normal” life, online life can also have dry spells.  In my “normal” life I’m the freakin’ Sahara.  My online dry spells don’t usually last as long.  I’m kind of in the midst of one right now though.

          An online dry spell is when you’re not receiving any emails and you’re not seeing anyone worthy of contacting yourself.  After a while I feel like I’m looking at the same people over and over again.  And not wanting to be like the yutz who introduced himself to me twice, I’m very cautious of not contacting anyone out of desperation or a need for attention.  My self-confidence is well in tack.  Patience is key.

          Usually to shake things up I’ll tweak my search a bit; expand the area, look for a little shorter, younger.  The other day I searched based on personality.  A page full of guys popped up, some I’ve already talked to and some I just wasn’t interested in.  But wouldn’t you know, there it was clear as day, a guy I matched with with a 100% rating.  Tall, good-looking, and damn it to Hell, I’ve already met him!  He was a cool guy and and probably the best first meet I’ve had from this.  His downfall…looking for people just to “hangout” with.  Not that that’s a big deal but it makes him kind of flaky on the follow-up contacts.

          At the end of our meet he wanted to get together again and I said sure since I had a good time.  He even suggested what we’d do next.  Then when we got in touch again he basically wanted me to do all the planning.  Sorry dude, but if you ask me to meet up again don’t expect me to do all the scheduling and planning.  I’m not an event planner and you’re just showing how lazy you’d be in a relationship – friendship or whatever.  100% compatable personality rating my ass.

          I like my men to come to me walking, talking, and potty trained.  I feel no need to change a man or make him into something he’s not just to suit me.  Sounds like a lot of work and I’m busy.  If this means I have to stay in a drought a little longer, so be it.

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