Posts Tagged ‘break-ups’

And Now for the “Ugly”

I left you with the question at the end of my last post, “Things are sounding good…right?’  Well…

…Wrong!

     After proposing and telling me he missed me, I didn’t hear from him all week.  That doesn’t really add up to me.  But, then again, this is, unfortunately, dating in LA.  And let me just say – it sucks.  Anyway, as the guys do – they flake.  I figured he must have fallen into that same fate, although I didn’t see that coming from him.

     By Saturday night, and a week of complete silence, I sent him this inquisitive and possible sayonara text:

Zia text:  Hey Gameless Joe Jackson, haven’t heard from you in about a week so I’m guessing you’ve moved on?  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bummed.  I hope everything is going well with you, and good luck with your finals.  If I remember correctly, they’re coming up.

     Over an hour later I got this response:

Gameless Joe Jackson text:  Moved on?  Not in the slightest…I have just been studying a whole bunch.  How have you been in the past week?

     Dude, that’s it!  You couldn’t have taken five seconds to send a text that says, “Hey, sorry, I’m a bit busy, but just wanted to say hi?”  You could have even stated, “I can’t talk right now,” and then maybe tossed in, “but hope your week is going well.”  Something – anything – but silence and you expect a girl to still think you’re interested!?  And you’re curious as to why you’re single?

     I know, you’re probably saying, “Well, you could have texted him.”  And I could have, but the previous night’s text indicated that he would contact me.  And I was expecting it around mid-week.  He had been reliable and so on top of things thus far, why would I think differently?

     However annoyed, I kept my composure and texted back that I figured he was studying but thought that I might have heard from him mid-week.  This got no response.  I followed up with asking if his finals were next week.  That, he replied to.  Hmm…talk about neutral “you” subjects, and you’ll answer…interesting.  He said they were the week after, but had projects the following week. 

     This all added up in my head to:  Well, you just ignored me for a week because you claimed to be busy studying.  Now you’re telling me that you have a week of projects = one week, no contact.  Then a week of finals = another week, no contact.  Why did you bother texting back that you’re still interested if you’re trying to brush me off?  I gave you an out.

     Then I took into consideration his lack of game, and the fact that he is taking finals for the first time ten years later in life than when most people do.  I had already gathered from previous chats that he is kind of an all or nothing type of guy.  I also didn’t think he was that suave with time management skills when it came to studying. 

     I jokingly texted back asking if he’d be underground for two weeks.  (Hey, I wanted to know flat-out if he was planning on ignoring me for two weeks but yet was still crazy enough to expect me to be hanging around.)  Alas, that too got no response.

     His personality did seem a little different, a bit off, in his texts, so the next day I just asked how his studying was going.  He did admit to being a little lost, and said he could use some help.  Nice to know I was right about that.  I gave him a few tips and left him alone.

     Mid-week I shot him a quick text just to see how his studying was going.  I was getting the impression he was suffocating himself with books.  Got the brush off that he was busy.

     Meanwhile, I didn’t stop myself from dating.  Had my speed dating adventure, and then a longer-than-five-minutes follow-up date with Mr. 911.  After which I realized that dating Gameless Joe Jackson kind of ruined me.  Dates with him were fun and effortless.  Had the urge to texted him. “you suck,” but I held back.

     When the following week came to a close, and I knew his finals were over, I shot him one more quick text to see how they went.  I wasn’t expecting to start dating him again, but with his bipolar disorder, I was genuinely concerned.  Like I said, his texts didn’t really sound like him.  He replied back and we chatted for a little bit.  He was almost himself but not really.

     I have no idea what went on with him or what happened to him from the beginning of one week to the end of that week.  I am pretty confident it wasn’t some else because our texting times, date times, etc. were always at peak “family/couple time” hours that a significant other would have noticed.  It was like a personality light switch. 

     I talked to Cousin Jo-Jo about it.  She mentioned that she didn’t know much about treating bipolar disorder with medical marijuana, but what she did know was that in a manic state it calms you, but in a depression state it does nothing.  Meaning if he was in a state of depression, he was going untreated.  She ended up suggesting what I was thinking; give him a couple of weeks and then just send a text to see how he is “actually doing.”  She pointed out that if that was it, he may feel to embarrassed to contact me again, knowing he screwed up.

     So I let the time go by and then wrote out the text (which probably should have been an email, but it’s not like I thought he’d give me his email address.)  I said that I wanted to make sure he was actually ok, pointed out the light-switch personality (in so many words), and let him know that I always just accepted him for him.  Basically, I was letting this be my closure.

    Surprisingly enough, I got a response back:

Gameless Joe Jackson text: That was the most intense bombardment of texts I have ever received.  Thanks for your concern.  I would appreciate it if you stopped contacting me.  Best of luck.

     Wow.  So cold.  So distant.  So not the guy I met months before.  I could sit and over analyze, “What if I said this?” or “What if I said that?”  But honestly, do you really want to be dating a guy who is going to run away because one sentence wasn’t worded to his liking?  I sure don’t.  I never got an “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, and I didn’t need one.  Buddy, I know it was you.  And even though I was hurt and bummed for a while, I dusted myself off and got back up again.

     What I have come to find is that I am done dating pot-smoking head-cases.  Mr. ADD didn’t want me (disregard the fact I didn’t want him either) because I didn’t have my own mental disorder.  Damn, my mental stability.  And Gameless Joe Jackson, bipolar, didn’t want me because I cared.  Man, I’m such a horrible person; I was concerned. 

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Pity Party

     The year has finally come to a close.  I took a little time to think back as to how my dating ventures went this past year and, well, let’s just say, I deserved the few days of bonbon-eating in my sweatpants with no make-up on that I indulged in this week.  Why, you ask?  Well, if you’ve been following my blog, then you probably have lost track, as I did, of how many different men I have physically and online dated.  My rough estimate is somewhere around fifty different men.

     While I was in the midst of my Love in 90 Days project, I read through a section of the book that talked about the ending of relationships, including those that we engage in online.  Those are like mini-relationships.  But even mini-relationships need some grieving when they come to an end, Dr. D pointed out.  I did not do this, however.  I just hopped from one to the other.  Occasionally I had a drought but was always preoccupied with other things.  I noticed that for the past couple of weeks that I have been completely drained.  To add icing on the cake, both sisters got engaged the week of Christmas.  Yes, that’s right, BOTH.  Talk about a sucker punch to the gut.  This isn’t their first engagements either.  With no engagements under my belt, I really stick out like a soar thumb.  My greatest horror is attending these weddings where I am bound to get the questions all singles love to get, like, “Why aren’t you married yet?”  “When are you going to settle down?”  “Haven’t you found someone yet?” or my personal favorite, “What’s wrong with you?”  Cause, yeah, I’m broken.  To remedy that, I’ve already decided to answer all of their questions with questions.  So when someone has the gall to ask, “When are you going to take the plunge?”  I’ll respond with: “When are you going to lose that weight the doctor recommended?”  “What day are those AA meetings held?  You should check them out.”  “Have planned your funeral yet?  I need to ask off for work.  I would want to miss that.”  But I digress…

Back to my mini-break-ups.  Let’s do the math:

If you begin talking to someone online, you email a few times, and depending on how often either of you check your email, that may come out to about a week or two of getting to know each other. 

Then you may talk on the phone once or twice and set up and go on a first meet.  That’s roughly a week.

If all goes well, you schedule another date.  And with work and scheduling that date usually happens the following week.

Second, third dates, and so on, add on additional weeks.

Okay, so on average most guys made it three weeks, some four, and about two this year made it to six weeks.  Mind you, many of these guys were overlapping in time frame.

So that’s 2 x 6 weeks + about 10 x 4 weeks + about 35 x 3 weeks = around 157 weeks.  That’s like ending a three-year relationship!  Holy crap, no wonder I feel like something my cat puked up.  

     I reserve the right to continue with my pity party for the remainder of the day.  I have decided I will no longer be glum starting around…ah…let’s say dinner time.  I am going to ring in the New Year with a clean slate and with the one relationship that did work out this year…

     Happy New Year and see you all in 2011.