Archive for October, 2010

Treasure Down Under

     As some of you may know, I was asked by the legendary Ken over at LustMongers to write a guest post for his blog.  I was truely honored to be thought of and did not want to let him down.  What better way to show him my appreciation than to write about the area relating to his favorite hobby.  Something he holds near and dear to his heart and cherishes so much.  I am guessing he was pleased to give me an introduction like this:

“The parade of awesome female guest bloggers continues. This week, it’s the scintillating and verbally dextrous Zia, who turned down my every request that she use my face as her personal sofa, but did offer up the following post. After reading it, I want her even more.”

To see what has him in a tizzy click here to read the full post.

If you’re new to checking out my blog, click here and see what post had originally gotten him all hot and bothered.


Another Not-the-One Date

     Sunday was my date with Buff Shorty.  As expected, his 5’5” claim was 5’3” in actuality, and that was with shoes.  Oddly enough the buffness from his pictures was an understatement.  His biceps were bigger than my thighs and bulging so much that his t-shirt sleeves did not fit over them so his shirt puffed at the shoulders.  Ladies, if this gets your heart racing, I’ll gladly pass along his number.
    What went wrong:
     I met him on eHarmony and after asking the first round of multiple choice questions, he decided to skip the rest of “the process” and went straight to email.
     I realize now that I like “the process” because I learn more about them overall.  Sure, you could just ask the same questions in an email but once you develop a dialogue, it is hard to back track and you forget to ask.  As a result, we had very little to talk about because we had very little in common, which most likely would have been discovered during “the process.”  What we did talk about was incredibly dull after an hour of it.
     How dull you want to know? When I was running errands later that afternoon, I had this little ditty playing over and over in my head.

           Every party needs a pooper that’s why we invited you. Party pooper.  Party pooper.   


I took that as my brain telling me – hey, he’s not the one either.
Moving on.

Pizzazz Questionnaire

     In my previous post, it was brought up in the comment section that in order to coax the pizzazz out of my dates I should have some form of questionnaire to guide them along. Here are a few questions I have come up with thus far whose answers will help me decide if I should stay or run for the hills.

1) Everyone states in their online dating profile that family is important to them.  Big whoop-tee-do.  I want to know how important to you.  What is your relationship like?

a) I lied. A one week visit with my family gives me constipation for a month.

b) We have a big family dinner every Sunday and I never miss it.

c) Even though they don’t live nearby, we talk often. I was the Man-of-Honor in my sister’s wedding.

d) My mom still wipes my ass.

2)  My cat is adorable and I’ve had her for ten years now.  Every morning she waits by the bathroom door for me after my shower and meows to let me know it is time for her morning hug.  Yes, she actually hugs.  Her little paws go around my neck or onto my shoulder and she squeezes.  Do you have a pet?  If not, are you opposed to them?  If so, what is your relationship with your pet?  Rate on a scale of 1-10.  1 being: I throw food down daily, but that’s about it. 10 being: I can’t make it though the night if my Great Dane, Molly, isn’t spooning me.

3) I have a love affair with chocolate and think it’s perfectly acceptable for an adult such as myself to still eat chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.  If we were to go out to breakfast and I ordered these, what would your reaction be?

a) I’d turn up my nose and make a comment about your maturity level.

b) …(sound of chair pulling back)…swoosh…(date just left the building)…

c) I’d grab a fork and take you up on your offer to share.

d) I would create a to-die-for recipe involving Bailey’s Irish Cream in the batter and make you breakfast in bed instead.

4) On vacation I like to do some form of activities, like zip-lining or parasailing.  What exciting activity would you like to try?

a) Skydiving, paragliding, something along those lines.

b) Curling

c) When you vacation to a nudist colony, there’s really one activity that interests me.

d) Is coach potatoing an activity? 

5) Do you dance?  If not are you willing to learn?  If so, what style have you perfected?

a) Ballroom

b) The Chicken Dance

c) You can find me in the club, bottle full of Bud.

d) The only dance I’ve perfected is The Pee Pee.

Am I missing anything?  What would you ask?

Now the only question is whether or not it is acceptable for me to show up on a date with a clipboard.

Searching for Pizzazz

     Looking for a date and finding one isn’t an issue.  Going on dates and getting asked out for a second isn’t an issue.  Getting asked out to go on second dates that I actually want to go on – BIG ISSUE!

     Lately, I have been meeting the most boring of men. Sadly, since my post about Snoozefest last month, things haven’t gotten much better.  When I met the most recent guy a couple of weeks ago, I was thrilled when the conversation wasn’t completely dull.  He wasn’t really much to go ga-ga over but he was the best I had seen in a while.  So when he asked me out to dinner, I accepted.

     The dinner had its few laughs here and there, and he was a nice guy.  On paper, he sounded fine.  He’s intelligent, friendly, employed, but that’s it really.  Overall the night was hackneyed, insipid, ordinary, …uninspiring.  And it’s not just him, all have been just lacking and ho-hum.  I’m looking for pizzazz.  Is that too much to ask?  I don’t need the guy to be a one-man-show but something about you has to hold my attention.  I feel the performers rule: “Keep the audience wanting more,” most definitely applies to dating as well.  Am I right?

     I feel myself being dragged down by all this humdrum that it is exhausting me.  I want to dive back into my hermit-ness  Behavior which will never get me to my New Year’s date goal.  I’m not just looking for some shmuck to kiss when the ball drops.  Kissing shmucks is easy, I’ve been doing it for years.  I’m looking for someone of substance. I’m using New Year’s for all that is symbolizes – change, new beginnings in directions unknown but desired.  And in all of that, I don’t want it to be with someone blah, mundane, and unimaginative.  Would you?  Pizzazz, I need pizzazz. and throw in the dating towel for a while.

     For those of you asking what pizzazz is – you can’t be serious.  It’s that spark, for some it could be chemistry.  It’s the thing that makes you want to see the person again and again.  It’s the quality in them that holds your interest.  It’s nothing you can put into exact words because it will vary from person to person, but if I had to try I’d say: Pizzazz is another person’s uniqueness that jives with your own unparalleled qualities. 

     I know I will never see this guy again, so he doesn’t even warrant a name.  However, my search continues Winkuntil I find some man worthy of earning the coveted name, Mr. Pizzazz.