Back on Track

     I had previously mentioned how I was going through a drought, and then last week had two dates and then another last night.

     The date from last Friday was a result from my latest Speed Dating adventure.  Nothing really to report.  There was nothing bad about the date, nothing wrong with the guy, it just…wasn’t there.  No spark, no pizzazz, it just fell short.  I know a date is going down hill if as he’s talking I start envisioning who of my friends I’d like to set him up with.  Meaning, I like the guy, just not for me.

     Speaking of setting up, that takes me to last Thursday’s date.  As some of you are aware, my esthetician, Lulu, and I have a bond, could be partly because she has been all up in my lady business for years.  She has recently decided and taken it upon herself to try to set me up.  I’ll need to back up a little for this one.

     Several months ago, while laying on her table, she began yakking away about my singleness, dating, yada yada.  She began telling a story about setting someone up with someone’s brother and having the phone number.  She then picked up a tissue box and showed me a woman’s phone number written on the bottom.  I gathered she was setting this woman up.  As the story went on, in all her immigrant Vietnamese-ness, I realized, “Oh, she wants to set me up with that woman’s brother.”  The fact that he lives in San Fran and I’m in LA, didn’t seem to faze her.  When I left, Subtle-T was there for her appointment, and I asked her to find out if what I was listening to was correct.  Here’s the thing, Subtle-T is married, and therefore, does not receive these lectures.  They talk about food, and, as I later found out, me.

     Fast forward a bit and Subtle-T receives a phone call from Lulu with a phone number of a different guy.  Lulu had decided that it was up to Subtle-T to call, not me.  A few days later, Subtle-T received a voicemail from Lulu, and rather than call me, she called Suzie Q and told her about the message.  “I have another number.”  The two of them were finding this very amusing.

     I talked to one guy, kind of boring, didn’t really like him, and Lulu was crushed by this.  I found out later that he had just started talking to his ex-girlfriend again and took my call out of obligation.  Fine with me, I was doing the same thing.  I have been informed by Lulu that the man in San Fran has been contacted now.  I don’t know by whom, but I’m sure I’ll get an update on my next appointment.  During my last appointment, she decided to cut out the middle man and gave me the third guy’s phone number.  She insisted I text him, not call, because when you call and don’t know him, you have nothing to say.  The only things I knew about him is that he is Italian and goes there to get his back waxed.  Hey, the way I see it, he knows the problem and he’s taking care of it.  Lulu tends to go on about Italians being hairy and I was doubting she was painting a pretty picture of me, since she had told him I was Italian.  It was during one of those rants that I was about to chime in and she stopped me before I finished and said, “Oh, I tol’ him.  For an Italian, you not so hairy.”  Great.  So, I went home and texted him.  He replied back.

Client #3:  Hi Zia, yeah Lulu did mention your name.  I’m kind of embarrassed to admit I know Lulu, but that’s a different story.

Zia’s Thoughts:  Buddy, you’d be more embarrassed if you knew I knew why you know Lulu.  Nothing is sacred on that table.

Zia’s Text:  She makes herself known when she walks into a room.

Client #3:  I guess she also enjoys playing matchmaker, huh?  …So do you we should test Lulu’s skills and meet up for lunch sometime?

Zia’s Text:  I feel we have to go to lunch for our own safety if nothing else.  Don’t want to upset the woman who holds tweezers and hot wax.  I could walk out with one eyebrow next time.

Client #3:  I agree, let’s keep here happy for our sake.

     We met for lunch, and let me just say, he is a very pretty, pretty man.  Little thin for my taste, but good-looking.  Again, no spark, no flare, but no red flags either.  Just a nice guy that I’ll probably never see again.  Well, unless Lulu has other plans.

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