Archive for May, 2010

Dating. . .Destruction?

     According to Dr. D, there are thirteen Deadly Dating Patterns that women could fall into.  I fell into two of them.  And I feel they are two of the “normal” ones.  If you fall into some of the others, . . . lay off the crazy juice.  She gives great examples and, of course, a more doctor-y feel, but this is how I interpreted them:

1)  FLAME OUT – This is the best relationship I’ve ever had, an amazing three hours.  I’d like a princess cut in a platinum setting, please.

2)  THE FANTASY RELATIONSHIP – Just because Shemar Moore doesn’t know me, doesn’t mean anything.  We are perfect together and will have perfect babies.

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3)  CRUMBS – He said he is going to leave his wife.  And this is the 627th time he has promised, so I know he’s really going to do it now. 

4)  HERMIT – Peek-a-boo

     This is a semi-fit for me.  Although I’m not shy, let’s face it, after a long day of work some people just irk me.  At that point, I’d rather not share breathing space with them.

5)  I’LL MAKE YOU LOVE ME – You’ve got all the right stuff.  So, you’re not interested, no problem.  Allow me to introduce myself, “Hello, I’m Wonderwoman.”

6)  ABUSE RECYCLE – SMACK – POW – rinse – repeat

     In all honestly, my heart goes out to these women.

7)  THE SAFETY NET – Such a loyal pup.  If I leave out food, you will come back too.

8)  NOT PERFECT, I’LL PASS – You know, that third nipple doesn’t really fly with me.

9)  CHASE ME – I like you.  No, I don’t.  I do, but I’m not telling.  Let me push you away.  Okay, come back.

10)  FADE AWAY – I like you so much but I don’t want to bore you; so I’m going to sit like a stone and not talk.

11)  JEALOUSY TRAP – Oh yeah, you love me?  Well then, please stop talking to all other women forever.  Don’t look at them, eyes on the road.  Wait for the male bank teller to become available.  And if you could cut off ties with your mother, that’d really help my ego.

12)  JUST BUDDIES – Look at that hottie over there.  Sure, I’ll go put in a good word for you.  By the way, I have boobs too, but they don’t make it to the parade very often.

     Clear as a bell when I read this one.  I knew it was me just from the title.  Tomboys-R-Us.  Having worked in many male-dominate jobs, I have become exceptional at blending in so I would be treated more equally.  As a result, talking to guys is not an issue.  However, flirting is a foreign language.

13)  THE GRASS IS GREENER – Ooo, look a blonde one.  Oh, a blonde with muscles.  Whoa, brown wavy hair and muscles.  Wait.  What’s around that corner?

     Well, there you have it ladies.  Where do you fit in?

     Oh, and guys . . . don’t think you are getting off the hook so easily.  I’ll have your Deadly Dating Patterns next week.

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Loveless Eulogy

     Throughout this self-help book, Dr. Diana forces us to do Inner Work and Outer Work.  The Outer Work comes in the form of our “homework” and is meant to be done out in the real world; i.e. saying hello and joining groups with men in them.   The Inner Work comes in the form of “exercises” and is meant to be done as you read.  And probably not meant to be shared via blog, but where’s the fun in that?

     I just finished up my second week of the program, which means I just completed the second chapter of the book.  This chapter helps us figure out our Deadly Dating Patterns (more on those later this week) and “self-sabotaging” ways.  I was flabbergasted at the fact that she uses the term “self-sabotaging” three times within two pages.  Ladies, come on, how much are you attacking yourselves? 

     Having spotted my Deadly Dating Patterns, I moved onto the exercises.  If I don’t change my ways and make room for love, this may be what the future holds for me.

Chapter 2 Exercise #3  The Loveless Eulogy

Zia took the bull by the horns in all areas of life – except love.  Love was a foreign substance to her.  She never experienced, felt, or knew what it was.  Without love in her life she found the time to knit her entire wardrobe, inherited seven cats, and with all the working out, had buns of steel into her late nineties.  Once Zia hit 100, she set a new goal of achieving supercentenarian status.  She took up croquet in her early 100s and enjoyed her time with the youngsters at the nursing home.  She passed away in her lonely bed at the age of 114 and was greeted in heaven by her many feline friends.

Mmm…sounds exciting.

Hh…Hi…Mmm…Hello

     To attack those three hellos I needed to say to three new guys I decided to do the Santa Monica stairs on Sunday morning.  Talk about a backfire – two reasons:

1)  Ninety percent of the people were female.  The majority of males that were there were with females.

2)  Going up and down stairs and trying to make eye-contact – Bad Idea.  Nearly lost my footing ten times.  I’m sure a face plant would have left a great impression.  Although, I am supposed to be asking for help.  Hmm . . . so maybe if I ate-it, I could have looked up with a bloody toothless grin and grabbed whatever poor soul’s hand that offered help.  Ah, can’t dwell on the missed opportunity.

     The only hello I did get out was to a little old lady with rocks in her hands.

     My first week is down and I’m having a little trouble with one homework assignment that maybe you could help me with.  I need to sign up for two ongoing classes/activities that have a high percentage of men in them.  I thought of dusting off the old guitar case but the classes near me are all booked.  I also thought about taking golf lessons but that class is only five weeks.

     I open the floor to you, any ideas or suggestions?

How’s Your Health?

I’m a few days into the project and I thought I would give a little update on how things are going.

     First off, do you know how hard it is to train your body to do something that has now become a reflex?  This eye contact thing is killing me but I’m fighting my involuntary look-aways and am no longer self-inducing whiplash.  If nothing else, at the end of 90 days I could be saving on chiropractic care. 

     Did you know being single could kill you?  Man, Dr. D puts the fear in you.  Studies apparently show that people in relationships do better emotionally, financially, and physically.  We don’t make finding love a “top-priority,” like going to the dentist if we have a toothache or searching for a job because we need income.  We need to “roll out the red carpet for love,” as she puts it, because our “long-term quality of life may depend on it.” –  I now have a physical scheduled for next week.

     One of the exercises she has you do is to write out how you spend your time.  Add up all 168 hours in a week and see where time is a-wastin’.  I tallied a week that includes my weekend job and found I work a whopping 77 hours a week, sleep only 44, and thanks to LA traffic spend 12 hours commuting.  That alone is 133 hours.  Mother trucker, no wonder I’m so freakin’ tired all the time!  I filled up the 168 hours quick and realized how much I multi-task.  I eat breakfast at work, squeeze in naps on the train, and occasionally eat dinner while checking email.  The purpose was to see where you’re wasting time.  I found I don’t have much to go around.  She recommends 10-13 hours a week in order to do the program in 90 days.  Aaaah . . . I’m in trouble.

     Before the week is up, I have to finish up some more journal entries, do my homework, and juggle my schedule to fit “finding love” on my to-do list so psyche and ticker stay in tip-top shape.

The Reveal

     The time has arrived.  For me to take on my newest project, that is.  What is it, you ask?  Just keep your pants on, I’m getting to it.

     Last year I tried the online dating thing since so many people around me were having success with it.  That was a bust.  Well, not a total bust.  This blog would not have come into existence without it, but I digress.

     At the beginning of this year I started brainstorming. . . and then – BAM!  Got it.  A self-help book.  Those things make millions a year, so they must be working for somebody.  Why can’t that next somebody be me, huh?  The trouble after that was narrowing it down to which one.  After a bit of research I found one that fit me.  Love in 90 Days by Dr. Diana Kirschner.  I think the fact that she uses the word “Dude” in the book sold me.

     When I started looking through it, it recommended that you read everything first before starting “the program.”  I can safely say that is complete and am going to start “the program” on Sunday.  I am a little less than thrilled that I have to go back to online dating, but she recommends different sites.  She gives me weekly journaling and homework, that I’m sure you’ll hear all about.

     I know this won’t work unless I throw myself in fully, so that’s what I’m doing and I’m already a little grumpy about it.  One of my first tasks is to make eye contact and say “hi” to three new guys each day.  I’ve already done a little sampling of that and am not pleased with the results. 

     I live in LA, so dating is a bitch.  Making eye contact on the street can be a coin toss.  One good shower at the Y and you don’t know who you’re talking to.  I’ve already been asked for money twice and the other guy didn’t want my money, just for me to buy him a coffee.  Damn recession.