Archive for June, 2011

When He is Smitten

     Let’s face it, some of us (uh…me) are usually oblivious when someone is interested, finds us attractive, or has a little crush on us.  And even though we are adults we all still do get crushes or are crushed on.  A good portion of these happen in the work environment – The Work Crush.
     Don’t deny it, you know what I mean.  You take a longer route to find your way back to your cubicle after abnormally frequent bathroom breaks.  You arrive to work a little earlier or stay a little later in hopes of having a brief run-in with him/her and getting in a little face time.  You find yourself daydreaming as you stare at your computer screen and when someone catches you, you say that your computer (brain) froze and are waiting for it to restart (focus.)
     A good boost for the ego and self-esteem though, is when you discover someone is crushing on you.  Even if you are not interested and know he/she will never act on it, it’s a feel good for the soul pick-me-up.  And in all my years of a-guy-is-into-me cluelessness, these are the signs that even I pick up on.

1)  The inadvertent smile.  They see you, they smile.  You walk by, they smile.  They are talking about some mundane topic and mid-sentence briefly make eye-contact with you they smile.  They can’t control it and keep doing it.  During a heated discussion of urinal cakes they are all a flutter.
2)  Verbal diarrhea.  They talk, without breathing, about random topics that you can’t seem to follow.  The conversation goes on without much word from you, but they can’t help themselves and more just keeps spilling out.
3)  Says your name.  I read this once in one of those teenie-bopper magazines way back when and found it to be absolutely accurate.  Make note, next time you are conversing with a guy/gal who you think may be crushing on you, see if he/she says your name after they say hello.  Then see if it pops in again mid-conversation. And it will most likely follow the words “good-bye” as well.
4)  Body language, of course.  Tries to be close to you, angles in your direction, or, my absolute favorite, when they literally have a bounce in their step.
5)  They “Twinkle.”  For those of you who are unaware of “twinkling,” you need to catch up on some Major Dad reruns.  Basically, it is that sparkle in your eye that pops out when you are super happy, excited, or interested in whatever is before you.  Don’t be fooled, it can be controlled if you are aware of its existance and power. But for those unaware, it is a dead give away of a crush.

     All of these little tidbits assisted me in diagnosing my coworker, who works in a different department than me, with a Work Crush.  A few of months ago while I was working a bar shift, I had an inkling that he had a bit of a crush on me.  At the end of one of my shifts, I had to stop by his department.  I passed him in the hallway and heard, “Hi, Zia.”  I gave a response “hello” (no clue what his name is) and he coyly looked in my direction and gave a little smile.  I was headed toward the counter and his coworker who was behind it.  As I was approaching the counter, I noticed a little giddy-up in his step and a side glance at his coworker.  I gathered that it was unspoken language that he wanted to assist me and that the coworker should step aside.  He raced through the door, nearly crashing into a desk, around the counter and replaced his coworker.  He made small-talk and had trouble making eye-contact because all smiles would pop out when he did.  He added my name into a statement and was kind of floating/bouncing as he moved about.  I finished up my business and said “bye.”  He looked up at me, said “Bye, Zia,” and then…he twinkled.  

     Dude’s got in bad.  Shame I don’t feel the same.

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Speed Dater

     Last night. Buddha Babe and I set out on a long-awaited adventure – Speed Dating.  We had been trying for months to get our schedules to coincide so we could check out this dating phenomena.
     After registering, we received an email telling us to put on our date shoes and to bring a pen.  Really, that’s all we need for a good date?  Then I wondered, “Hmm…think they would let me take my clipboard? I’ve been wanting to try that technique too.”
     Armed with stilettos and a writing implement, I headed out for the evening.  Decided to save the clipboard for another time, don’t want too much excitement at once.
     We checked in, got our numbers, and drinks and waited for the event to begin.  Turned out that quite a few men chickened out so we had double the women.  The hostess offered to buy the ladies who were willing to go in the second group a drink and chocolate fondue.  Don’t need to ask me twice – “Ah, barkeeper, rum and Coke, please.”
     When it was finally our time to go, we took our seats.  We had six men that would be rotating through our parade of awesomeness.  Here are how my dates went:

Speed Dater #1:  Very nice guy, teacher, little bit older.  He wasn’t really my type but, if I had a single friend that I thought he’d mesh with I’d set him up in a heartbeat.  Came across as someone you would want in your circle.

Speed Dater #2:  This guy was very entertaining.  Family owns an ambulance company.  Do you think causing self-inflicted bodily harm to see him again is cute or too stalkerish?

Speed Dater #3:  Older man and a bit…odd.  About two minutes into our five-minute date, he somehow worked into the conversation, “I was born vaginally.”  (I swear I don’t make this stuff up.)

Speed Dater #4:  This guy seemed okay, little scrawny and twitchy, but I think the line that turned me off was when he was talking about his friends.  They are apparently, “all in jail or dead.”

Speed Dater #5:  I can’t harp on him too badly because Buddha Babe is staking her claim.  Personally, he was a little too dull and boring for me.  Buddha Babe was casually eavesdropping on our conversation and noticed we had silence.  She was all too happy to bring up the fact that on their speed date they didn’t have any silences.

Speed Dater #6:  Didn’t make much eye contact.  Asian with a chick’s name. Military, mumbled, and not the sharpest tool in the shed.  We talked about where we were from and I had said the East Coast.  He then proceeded to give me a geography lesson and tell me, “…uuuh…yeah…we have two Virginias and two Carolinas.  We have West Virginia and Virginia, and we have North Carolina and South Carolina.”

Zia’s Thoughts:  We give this man a gun?

     At the end of the night, we were told to go home and be sure to check all our scores.  I’m keeping an opened mind, but the only “yes” I doled out was to Mr. 911.  We were also informed that since we are promised eight dates and so many men canceled that Buddha Babe and I have a free night of Speed Dating ahead of us.  I would say let the good times roll, but, honestly, how can someone top dead friends or vaginal birth?