Posts Tagged ‘Foreigners’

Application Review

     Since Zuzolo put such hard work into his application, I figured it earned a response.  But first, brief recap on how Friday’s blog ended:

Zia (email):  Application has been received and is under review.

Zuzolo (text):  Under review…you don’t need to do that.  It’s very clear. lol

     He apparently got worried:

Zuzolo (text): Just be nice with your answer application because you can heart my feelings…babe…lol

Zia (email) : RE: Application for a date ( maybe ) if she’s not busy

Dear Applicant,

Congratulations.  You have been chosen to move on to our interview process.  Now, before the interview there are a few things we need to review from your application.

First, you get bonus points for a cool name.  Hair is optional.  The number you gave for your ex is no longer in service and we will require a new number for a reference check.
Should you be hired for the position, some driving may be involved.  However, with your age and suspended license, the employer may overlook this if you invest in a stylish state-of-the-art golf cart.
As for #8 and #9 on your application, this benefit is not granted upon hire.  There is a variable grace period before this job perk will become available to you. Employer will judge your effort and performance for a period of time before granting access to this restricted area.
If this term works for you, then your next step is to schedule an interview time and place within the near future.  The interviewer is extremely busy and popular and will fill your time slot with another male applicant if plans are not concrete.

Interviewer will be available by phone throughout the weekend and looks forward to your call.

Have a good day. ^-^

     Seeing as he did not call and make plans concrete, I was jet-lagged and in turn reluctant to go out with him on Wednesday night.  This nearly brought him to tears, so I met him for a drink.  Ugh, damn my charm.     Met him and he looked as “Fabio” in person as he did in his pictures.  I noticed real quick that he was a bit of a busy body and remnant of ADD.  He did a lot of talking.  I did a lot of listening.  However, he kept stopping to say he wanted to know about me.  Then he’d continue talking.
     His faulty quality was ordering white zinfandel with ice in it.  Yeah, he’s classy like that.  His redeeming quality was his gentleman status.  He made sure to walk on the street side of the side-walk because that’s what his mother told him, which required a lot of dancing on the sidewalks as we crossed streets.  He opened doors; probably why he’s so thin, running from one side of the car to another.  And told me I looked beautiful/great a few times, for girls who like that, makes me queasy, but I took the compliment with a smile twice and only ignored it once.  I mean come on, once is really enough.
     Date ended fine in his Hispanic/European way.  I got a hug and what I’m assuming was supposed to be a kiss on the cheek but was more of my jaw bone.  I’m not complaining.  After Bombay Joe, any aim would be better than his. 

The Date Application

     Date from Wednesday, part Mexican, part Italian, and comes fully equipped with a language barrier.  His photos show-off supermodel looks and he’s a bit younger, neither of which is something I usually go for but Dr. D says to date against type, so I thought, what the heck.

     There was a lot gearing up for this date.  First, after we exchanged numbers, I told him I wasn’t free until the following week.  So what does he do, sends me a text the next afternoon, “Hey girl, I’m going to the Rose Bowl later today to run or walk.  Do you want to enjoy me?  Let me know.”  After that, I got a lot of “Hi, how are you,” texts, nothing more.  I figure since I was too busy to “enjoy” him the first time he asked that I missed my window of opportunity.  What a bummer that would be.

     Then one day I got a text asking if we were going to meet up, “one of these daaaays?”  He then tried to call and I accidentally hung up on him as I pulled my phone out of my bag.  Which won me the text, “Oh my God, you hung up on me! lol.”

     When I called him back, he commented on how busy I am and asked if he should fill out an application for a date.  I said I would also require a background check and retina scan.  Since I was going out-of-town last weekend I told him he could schedule a time for next week.  He chose the Wednesday I got back.  Then asked what would happen if we didn’t meet then.  I told him, “Well, then I’ll fill your spot with another guy.”  He liked my honesty and told me he’d send-off the application right away.

     I got a text telling me the application was in.  Misspellings and all, this is what I received:

Application for a date ( maybe ) if she’s not busy


1. Name: Zuzolo (His real name is so cool I had trouble finding an alias until I read the badge of a security guard at the Logan Airport – thank you stranger)
2. Age: 95 years old (feeling younger inside) may need some plastic surgery and a few years
3. Hair: long (wig)
4. Eyes: yes i have
5. Weight: 350 pounds ( trying to get in to the best loser tv show)
6. Language speak: need to learn english ( i may need a teacher)
7. Height: from my head up (wich one) now im laughing.
8. Sex: virgin. (can’t have it) read # 2,5
9. For #8: im kidding , i like it, can we do it ?
10. Occupation: don’t work can’t walk (read # 2,5 again)
11. license #625643756281568 ( but suspended)
12. Incomes: 5,000 annual (no joke)
13. Phone number: you have it baybe.
14. Status: would see on wendsday.
15. Number 12 it’s a lie: 4,000 annual
16. Social security #818-555-7635 (ohh wait that’s my exfriend’s phone #) please don’t call her.
17. Immigration status: please marry me
18. Don’t laugh im a wet bag : now laugh
19. Thanks for not doing #16
20. Nationality: what’s that mean?
21. Vehicle: yes, i dream with one some day, can we drive yours?
22. Btw: i like bmw’s
23. What can you teach me babe ?
pancho gomez

INTERVIEWER: a very tan girl
SEX: don’t know yet
AGE: 23 years old.. i mean 32 with a beautiful smile
VEHICLE: take’s the train


     After cracking up laughing:

Zia (email):  Application has been received and is under review.

Zuzolo (text):  Under review…you don’t need to do that.  It’s very clear. lol

     To see my response to the application and how the date went, check out Sunday’s post.