The Date Application

     Date from Wednesday, part Mexican, part Italian, and comes fully equipped with a language barrier.  His photos show-off supermodel looks and he’s a bit younger, neither of which is something I usually go for but Dr. D says to date against type, so I thought, what the heck.

     There was a lot gearing up for this date.  First, after we exchanged numbers, I told him I wasn’t free until the following week.  So what does he do, sends me a text the next afternoon, “Hey girl, I’m going to the Rose Bowl later today to run or walk.  Do you want to enjoy me?  Let me know.”  After that, I got a lot of “Hi, how are you,” texts, nothing more.  I figure since I was too busy to “enjoy” him the first time he asked that I missed my window of opportunity.  What a bummer that would be.

     Then one day I got a text asking if we were going to meet up, “one of these daaaays?”  He then tried to call and I accidentally hung up on him as I pulled my phone out of my bag.  Which won me the text, “Oh my God, you hung up on me! lol.”

     When I called him back, he commented on how busy I am and asked if he should fill out an application for a date.  I said I would also require a background check and retina scan.  Since I was going out-of-town last weekend I told him he could schedule a time for next week.  He chose the Wednesday I got back.  Then asked what would happen if we didn’t meet then.  I told him, “Well, then I’ll fill your spot with another guy.”  He liked my honesty and told me he’d send-off the application right away.

     I got a text telling me the application was in.  Misspellings and all, this is what I received:

Application for a date ( maybe ) if she’s not busy

APPOINMENT DATE APPLICATION

1. Name: Zuzolo (His real name is so cool I had trouble finding an alias until I read the badge of a security guard at the Logan Airport – thank you stranger)
2. Age: 95 years old (feeling younger inside) may need some plastic surgery and a few years
3. Hair: long (wig)
4. Eyes: yes i have
5. Weight: 350 pounds ( trying to get in to the best loser tv show)
6. Language speak: need to learn english ( i may need a teacher)
7. Height: from my head up (wich one) now im laughing.
8. Sex: virgin. (can’t have it) read # 2,5
9. For #8: im kidding , i like it, can we do it ?
10. Occupation: don’t work can’t walk (read # 2,5 again)
11. license #625643756281568 ( but suspended)
12. Incomes: 5,000 annual (no joke)
13. Phone number: you have it baybe.
14. Status: would see on wendsday.
15. Number 12 it’s a lie: 4,000 annual
16. Social security #818-555-7635 (ohh wait that’s my exfriend’s phone #) please don’t call her.
17. Immigration status: please marry me
18. Don’t laugh im a wet bag : now laugh
19. Thanks for not doing #16
20. Nationality: what’s that mean?
21. Vehicle: yes, i dream with one some day, can we drive yours?
22. Btw: i like bmw’s
23. What can you teach me babe ?
APPLICANT
pancho gomez

INTERVIEWER: a very tan girl
SEX: don’t know yet
AGE: 23 years old.. i mean 32 with a beautiful smile
VEHICLE: take’s the train

HOPE AFTER KNOWING ALL MY GOOD STRENGHTS YOU GO OUT WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME STILL :=)

     After cracking up laughing:

Zia (email):  Application has been received and is under review.

Zuzolo (text):  Under review…you don’t need to do that.  It’s very clear. lol

     To see my response to the application and how the date went, check out Sunday’s post. 

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2 Comments »

  1. Caleb Said:

    First impression was “oh my God- what’s up with loser guys sending multiple texts and whining about not going on dates? Loser”

    Then I read the application. Great stuff! Funny guy, I love the ex’s number part. I’d definitely at least get to know the guy.

    Plus, you said he’s super hot so there’s that.

  2. […] Dating Emails, Foreigners, Online Dating }      Since Zuzolo put such hard work into his application, I figured it earned a response.  But first, brief recap on how Friday’s blog […]


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