Posts Tagged ‘Dr. Diana Kirschner’

Final Report Card

     I have completed my Love in 90 Days journey.  Dr. D gives us a checklist in the last chapter to recap on our progress.  Here are my answers to the questions she asks.

1)     Are you putting out feminine “go” signals?  Do you dress or act in a more attractive way?

I have bought a lot more deep-V dresses and shirts so the mangoes are on parade more often, still not completely comfortable flaunting them about.  My “go” signal skills may need a little work.  Drunks and Crazies still flock to me like white on rice so I’m apparently sending out a “go” holler.  Need to tweak this a bit.

2)     Has the number of e-mail and phone interactions with potential dates increased since the beginning of the Program?

Define “potential.”  If they are not putting me to sleep or calling to complain about their ex or the online dating site then they are sending me gem emails like the one I received last weekend.

      “Hay, you seam cool…”

3)     Has the number of actual dates each week increased?

Nope.  Hit or miss here.  Dr. D has made me stamp out the DUDs (aka Definitely Unworkable Dudes) right away.  I meet a lot of DUDs.

4)     Are you dating better-quality men?

See answer to question 2.  If they make it through the email/phone process then yes, they are better quality.  Now I just need to work on quality with pizzazz and find the STUDs (aka Seriously Terrific, Utterly Devoted Dudes) Dr. D believes I can find.

5)     How have your dating habits changed?

I leave the house.  That’s a lot of work for someone who likes to play hermit.

6)     Which Deadly Dating Patterns have you broken out through?

Just Buddies – I make more of an effort to put on make-up, perfume, and well…waxing.  (If they only knew)

Hermit – Dying to be one again!  Think it’s possible to find a guy that doesn’t mind if I stay home and cook while watching football?  I would think that’d be a dream for most men but all the men I find don’t like sports.  I’m flabbergasted.

7)     Are you looking for something different in a relationship now?

I’m not looking for something different in the relationship per se, but the courtship yes.  Dr. D points out that we should all be pursued, shown that we are wanted.  Hence my recent desire to want to be wooed.  Never thought about it before and as Dr. D so strongly points out – I’m worth it!

     Needless to say, I did not find love within a ninety day time frame.  I have not been consistently working my Program of Three due to lack of STUDs.  Nonetheless, I will soldier on.  Dr. D had some good tips and pointers that I will carry with me as my hunt for eligible STUDs continues. 

Though, as one countdown ends, another begins…106 days until New Year’s Eve.

Mr. Nice Guy

     I woke up Sunday morning to the sounds of suitcases banging around the hallway as my roommates’ family was heading out after their two week stay.  The noise startled my cat and she thought the fastest way to escape from those big scary suitcases was across my face.  After spewing a colorful Sunday morning vocabulary, I hobbled to the bathroom to see the damage.  Grabbed a tissue, laid back in bed, and bled for about twenty minutes.

     Received a phone call midday to arrange plans to meet the newest guy.  We decide on early evening.

     Getting ready for the date I decide to go light make-up.  Not that I really had a choice in the matter since my cat left me looking like Frankenstein’s offspring.  Did my best to make-up around the open wound but due to the location I’m sure this guy will think I lost a battle with the tweezers while plucking my eyebrows.

     I received a text saying he was running about thirty minutes late.  Diva.

     We met up at a Barnes & Nobel before deciding where to head off to.  He asked if I was hungry.  Told him, “I’m Italian.  I can always eat.”  That was my polite way of saying I was starving.  He asked if dinner was okay since he hadn’t eaten.  We found a restaurant and got a table.

     He, for the most part, looked like his pictures.  Small framed, thin guy and not really anything I normally go for but Dr. D recommends dating against type, so here I go.  He is definitely lacking a bone-jumping quality, but overall a nice guy.  And to his credit, I have to say, so far he has done everything right.  He called once during the week just to chat.  Didn’t ask bizarre questions like, “So, do you have any babies?”  Sent a couple of texts throughout the week, none of which were at 11:30pm asking if I wanted “to meet for a friendly drink.”  (Yeah, that’s happened before. –A couple times.)  And then actually called the day we were going to meet to solidify plans – not text, not email – called!  It is sad that a phone call is what I consider “doing it right.”  Since most online daters think that the dating only takes place in cyber world, it is rare to find a guy who actually calls.  But I digress…

     Now to get into the first impression I must have been leaving. —

     During the appetizer I felt a huge chunk of prosciutto get lodged into my teeth.  Not a big ta-do if it was in the back of my mouth but this was front and center.  Tried getting it out with my tongue while he was talking but was afraid I was making vulgar faces.  When he turned his head to look for the server, I shot my hand to my mouth and tried to get it out with my nail.  Failed attempt.  Damn those guitar classes!  No nails on my right hand.  Next time he looked around shot up my left hand and victory.  Now I just need to remain composed through the meal and not shovel the food in to calm my hunger.

     He is a midwest guy who doesn’t drink much but enjoys a good beer.  Headed to a bar with a wide beer selection.  Turned our they were having their Belgium Beer Festival and with the purchase of a Belgium beer you get a souvenir glass.  Cool.  I like free stuff.

     Amidst the second beer I felt as if something had fallen on my head.  I ran my fingers through my hair but didn’t feel anything.  Then put my arms on the table.  I then felt a bunch of sandy grit on my arms.  Still listening to him talk and throwing out the occasional “uh-huh,” I casually brush the dirt off my arms.  Leaned back on table – more grit.  This time I lean back, casually brush the dirt off my arms again and then off the table.  Check my hair again and mid-hair stroke realize I am sending off major flirt signals.  That would explain the sudden twinkle in his eye as he talks to me.  I can’t have that.  I don’t feel any mo-jo jive coming from him.  There can be no twinkling, not yet at least.  I may need another date to see if the tide has changed in the mo-jo waters.

     To simmer the twinkling and with my hand still mid-stroke, I quickly ask, “Did you feel that?”

     He replied with a very slow drawn out, “Nooo-ah.”

     Oh great, he’s giving me that look.  I know that look.  I give that look.  Can I really blame him?  I’m feeling myself up at the table, with a gash above my eyebrow, and looking up at the ceiling while I talked.  I’m sure I’m scoring big points in the crazy department.

     When I finally get my head out of the rafters and look down at the table I see it.  “Ah-ha.  Look.”  And I point to little pieces of gravel scattered all over the table and on the menu.  Fortunately missed the beer.  Part of the ceiling did fall down.  I wasn’t crazy and that look disappeared.  However, the twinkling resumed. 

     But at the end of the night, I can’t complain.  My date was a nice guy and he liked me.  Just need to figure away around his lack of sex appeal.  Hmm…


Breaking Free

     I mentioned before about Deadly Dating Patterns.  I have reached a point in the book where it assists you on how to break free of those patterns.  And let me say, it could not have come at a better time. After a long string of bad dates, I’m ready to throw in the towel and hibernate.  For fear that Dr. D will jump from the pages and slap me silly if I do, I decided to soldier on.

     I fall into the Hermit and Just Buddies Deadly Dating Patterns.  The reasons Dr. D gives for being a Hermit don’t really apply to me all that well.  I’m not extremely shy or recovering from a divorce or bad relationship.  Simply put, I just like vegging.  Now, vegging is not so beneficial in meeting men.  She recommends that we enroll in some kind of class or group activity to get us out of our shell, so-to-speak.  I signed up for an introduction to guitar class.

     Yesterday was our first class.  I figured in a class of twenty to twenty-five people there were bound to be some men in there.  As it turned out, I guessed right.  Downside, once you factor out all the old married beer bellies that leaves just three guys.

1) Head-of-the-Class – He took a seat front and center and sat at full attention for the two-hour span we were there.

2) Anorexic Asian – He makes the normal skinny Asian look beefy.

3) Dusty – Dude bought his guitar five years ago and then stuck it in a closet.

     After weighing my options, I have got my eye on Dusty with his metallic red guitar.  With a guitar that snazzy, I’m hoping his personality has some pizzazz to match.  He may be a bit young for me but I’m 99% sure he is legal so all is good.

     My Just Buddies Deadly Dating Pattern comes in handy at first because I have no trouble talking to guys.  But to break from this pattern I have got to make sure I wear make-up to class and try not to dress like I’m ready to join a pick-up soccer game.  

     How graceful do you think I would look playing guitar in a sundress?  Yeah, I’m not so sure about that either.  Thankfully I have until next Saturday to figure out wardrobe options. 

Desert Island Tour

     At the end of one of the latest chapters, Dr. D had given me the task of creating a list of five people, living or dead, that I would choose to be stranded with.  I had to decide on reasons for why I would take them, taking into consideration the fact I’d need them to survive.  And some how, this was supposed to tell me something about my ideal mate.  Here’s my list:

1) Matt Bomer (A.K.A. Neal Caffrey on White Collar) for the most important reason of all – Eye Candy.

2) Suzy Q or Mama J, whoever is available, because you need good banter and good friends.

3) Julia Child – Hey, girl’s gotta eat.

4) Ben Franklin – That crafty bugger could help get us out of most jams.

5) Billy Crystal – I have a hard time imagining why anyone would not choose him.  I mean, come on, he sings, he dances, he’s a one man show.  Everyone needs a little Billy in their life.

     After taking all this into consideration, here’s what I’ve learned about my ideal match…

He’s a crafty concoction that not only tastes but looks good too.

No, that can’t be right.

He keeps me well fed while dancing and inventing new —

Hmm…that may not be it either.  Maybe this is what Dr. D means…

He can carry on a good conversation, makes me laugh, can handle a piece of meat and can literally create sparks in the bedroom.

Yeah, that must be it.

Get Your Flirt On (Part 2)

     My previous post left off with me sending smoke signals via flirt moves to a guy in a bar I was hoping would rescue me from Drunkass’ slobber.  Here’s how the night turned out:

     During one of my look up, look away moves, I turn to Shortstack to say something and then suddenly the lone trio member is standing in front of our booth.  Victory!  He’s standing there with a smile and making eye contact.  (Ooh, I’m on the receiving end of Move #1.)  He introduces himself and then all of the sudden, like vultures, the entire trio is at our table and Drunkass is out numbered.

     There is some awkward shouting from across the booth conversation because I still have Drunkass sitting to my right.  Nothing a quick trip to the bathroom can’t fix.  I tap Drunkass’s shoulder (Damn it! – Move #5) and excuse myself.  When I return to the booth there had been some seat shuffling and Drunkass was gone…for now.

     I plop myself down and next thing I know I am sitting between my Rescue Ranger and his buddy, Mr, High-5.  (The dude was all about some high-5 action.)  Not a bad turn of events.  And since the flirt machine was already turned on, what makes you think it would suddenly turn off?  Flirtalicious was still on the loose and seemed to be contagious.  My girls and the trio were all over open-ended questions (Move #13), laughing at jokes (Move #10), and lots of smiling, eye contact, looking away and then back again (Move #1 and #3.)  Really, this just sounds like people with drinks in them having a good time.  But hey, who am I to second guess the Doc?  Drink on Flirt on my friends, flirt on.

     At one point I heard my last name being said across the booth.  Since Half-pint and I have the same first name, she was distinguishing us by our last names to Dimples (the third member of the trio.)  Rescue Ranger overheard my last name and this led to our big moment…

Rescue Ranger:  Italian?

Zia:  Yes.

He puts his fingers on my wrist (received Move #5) and then slides my hoodie up my arm a bit.

Rescue Ranger:  But you’re not hairy.

(Eeerr…received Move #11 – Compliment?)

Zia:  No.  No, I’m not.

     With moves like that, I am sure this guy gets his pick of the litter when he heads out.

     The night rolls on.  Drunkass makes a return and falls asleep in the booth.  Rescue Ranger hits the pool table, Mr. High-5 chats up a storm, and Dimples maybe said seven sentences all night.  But who really cares?  He had dimples.  Duh.

     Closing time and my clan and I start heading out.  We say our good-byes and this is where reading these sixteen moves would have been beneficial.

“Move #16 – When leaving, say you’d like to see him again.”

     I have to walk by the pool table, where Rescue Ranger is, to exit.  He interrupts his game for a minute and stops me to give me a hug good-bye.  We make some comments about the game and then I walk off.  Huh?  Oh yeah, I – walk – off.  “Hey, let’s hang out again sometime” never made it into my brain.

     We get outside and Shortstack gets into Miss Fererra’s car and they drive off.  I hop into Half-pint’s, we sit there for a sec, and then she says how she had such a great time and wishes we could do it again. 

Okay, let’s recap:  Three of them, four of us, and no one thought of doing a number exchange!? – Idiots, the lot of us. 

     Did we screw up?  Well, that can easily be answered.  As Half-pint backed out and started pulling away, I spotted Mr. High-5 rushing out the door.  But it was too late, we were on the road.  I made brief eye contact with him but all he got out was one final wave.  Flirtalicious, sure.  Smooth Operator, hell no.

     Let’s hope, armed with these rules, things go a little better as I hit the town with my wingwoman, Miss Independent, tonight.

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