Archive for January, 2010

I’m Goin’ In

     I wish I had some fabulous news to report about another date with Sugardaddy, but I don’t.  Unfortunately he is out-of-town on business and all I got was one brief depressed phone call last week telling me so.  I’m flattering myself by telling myself that the depressed voice was because he was bummed that he wouldn’t get a chance to see me anytime soon.

     In other news…my date yesterday canceled on me and I couldn’t have been more thrilled.  That should tell you something right?  There needs to be some excitement, anticipation before a date.  I felt nothing.  It would have been our second date but, let’s face it, he doesn’t have a “jump-my-bones” quality about him, so really, where would the relationship be going?

     Speaking of “jumpless bones,” I had a date earlier in the week that fell into that category.  I openly admit that I’m usually oblivious when someone is interested in me.  However, I find the guys with a complete lack of game  easy to read.

     He is always super eager to see and talk to me.  What can I say, I am a stunning conversationalist.  But telling a woman your date canceled, so we should go out…aaaah…mmm.  Maybe blatantly saying they weren’t the first option is not a way to win someone over.  In this case, I really didn’t want to be the first option, so that actually worked out on my end.  And for his sake, if you’re more excited to see the backup date maybe the first date should have never existed.

     At any rate, we met at the movies.  I forwent the popcorn and decided on an overpriced box of candy.  After some wheeling and dealing we scored some seats.  We get on just fine, so chatting before the movie was no problem.  Mind you, I’m fully aware that he is more into me than I am into him.  I am very conscious of my body language and trying desperately not to give any indication that anything physical could possibly happen. 

     In all that focusing I forgot to watch my movements.  And that’s when I felt it.  Oh, shit.  I lost a Junior Mint into the great beyond.  I had a Junior Mint lodge between “my mangos.”  Looked up briefly to see that he was people watching and missed my nothing but net cleavage shot.  Now the project would be fishing it out. 

     I had a little mental conversation with myself that went something like this:  Okay, it’s a movie.  When the lights dim and he focuses on the movie I’ll go in real quick and swoop it out.  Need to be quick.  Hand down my shirt, don’t want him getting any ideas.  

Lights are dimming…and…now.  Crap, missed.

     Truth be told, “my mangos” are a little more on the “melon” side, so I had misjudged the exact location when I went in for my initial retrieval.  I have now knocked the target between my bra and tank top.

Regroup.  Second attempt.  Wait, he turned his head. 


Finger down, found target.  It’s a hit.  Target slid under left breast.  Finagle finger over top of target and return to center.  Don’t fight left breast.  This time use left breast in the assist.  Swoop and victory.

     Mission took a little longer than expected but no excitement was spotted from the man to my left, so I was in the clear.  On the other hand, I was so focused on my body language toward my date, didn’t bother to look on my other side.   Let’s just say, that was the best movie ticket that the teenage boy ever bought.  Strangely he disappeared shortly after.

I’m a Long Way from Being a Sugarbaby

          Oh crap, dare I say it…I like the guy.

          The other day I realized that I forgot to delete my sugardaddyforme profile.  This tidbit of knowledge was brought to my attention by an email saying I had mail on that site.  Figuring it was just another moron that I wouldn’t be able to email back, I was pleasantly surprised to find I could.  I was twice as shocked to find that he actually asked questions to get to know me and openly answered questions about himself.

          We emailed for a few days, in which I discovered that he’s divorced, has a son, works in government, and has a mild obsession with all things Seinfeld.  Now, I can tolerate the Seinfeld stuff, but the rest is nothing I’d usually jump at.  Skeptical that the divorce was recent, there’s excess baggage, and baby mamma issues, that’s just a lot to dive into.  But against my skepticism, I agreed to meet him.

          He suggested a coffee shop.  I told him which Starbucks to meet me at.  Caught a glimpse of him walking by the window.  Pictures don’t do him justice, bonus for me.  He came in but there were no seats so we left to find another place.  Went into an insanely oversized restaurant with plenty of open seats mid-day on a Monday.  Sat, ordered beers, got a lot of water refills, and chatted.  Came up with the code name “candy,” since anytime either of us mentioned we got weird looks from the passers-by.  

          Aside from the divorced/kid thing, we had a lot in common.  We both have traveled and both have interesting bathroom stories from Japan.  Now, if any “westerner” has been fortunate to make a trip over there and had the joy of sitting on one of their pimped out toilet seats, you may relate to this.  For those of you unaware, there are many button options, sound effects, and bun warmer temps to choose from.  It’s quite elaborate.  Anyway, I believe the highlight of the story-telling hour was this:

Him:  Well, I couldn’t read Japanese and I saw the picture of the two curved lines and then the dashed one, but I didn’t know what it was. 

Me:  Well, I couldn’t read Japanese either, but I thought the picture was pretty clear.

Him:  I didn’t know, so I pushed it.  And then there was a blast of water.

Me: (laugh)

Him:  And then there was the blast of air.

Me: (more laughing)

Him: I was very surprised.

Me:  Your first bidet experience?

Him:  Yeah.  I must have had it on a high strength.

Me:  I didn’t know they had different strength options.

Him:  Well, I was still dripping.

          I think I may have found a keeper.  Anyone willing to tell embarrassing bathroom stories on a first date, a rare find.

          Our date ended, a hug and a peck, an invite and accept of going out again, and four hours later I was in my car again.  Let’s hope he doesn’t give himself the kiss of death by waiting three days to call.  I know my best friend is rooting for him.  She’s hoping for wedding bells and then wants to be holding the video camera for the announcement to my family on how we met.   


 Other Sugardaddy Posts: In the Land of Sugar, Sunday Situation


          When I started with this experiment to see if people could actually meet “the one” through online dating I had my doubts.  And my doubts, for now, have proven correct.  All the hustle and bustle of last week has passed, and I’m just down to one that I have yet to meet.  Here’s how the now calm, came about:

The Saturday night date guy knew about the blog.  I make it a point not to tell guys about it, but he made a comment about me having a lot of stories and I said, “Boy, do I.”  I went in with the mentality that we’d just be friends.  Honestly, I didn’t think he’d even want to meet me after hearing about and reading some of my posts.  He did confess that he didn’t read too much because he didn’t want to get discouraged.  Hey, can’t avoid the inevitable.

Directionless Dude had tried to meet up with me for months.  He also knows about the blog, therefore friend.  We still keep in touch and it’ll probably be another few months until we meet up again.

Paranoid was not in any way physically attractive to me.  He’s cute in a if-tinkerbell-was-a-guy kind of way.  Cool dude and wouldn’t be opposed to hanging out with him again, but again, friend.

The Preacher is a complete tool and I haven’t responded to his last two texts.  The gem today was, “Remember I am ur wireless, home security, satellite tv, home phone service & video phone broker I have discounts for everything please let me know!” – WTF is that?  I have an image that if I ever met him, he’d pull up in a 18-wheeler and try to sell me whatever was in the back and swear it was legit.

 Last on the list is Facebook guy and he’s fled the country.  Leave it to me to find someone who works in exports and ups and leaves at a moments notice.  He socially works at a snail’s pace and now put time zones and continents between us, we’re never going to meet.  And for those of you asking why I don’t initiate a meet – I’m done with that.  I have found that even though guys say they don’t mind women making the first move, they do.  Each guy that I contacted first or asked to meet up with, never worked out well.  All the guys that have contacted me first are the one’s I’ve had better luck with.

          Of course, according to OkCupid, that’s not my problem at all.  As stated in a very informative and detailed email from the OkCupid company, my problem lies in location.  After receiving maps of the US (and the world) I have found that I need to head to Virginia or North Dakota if I want to find love.  I’ve been to North Dakota, it’s flat with a lot of grass, the only thing I’ll find to hug over there will be a tree.

          As for the world, well sorry Brits, it appears that you hate me.  But you don’t hate me as much as Pakistan.  I’m probably a little too “outspoken” for their liking.  Nope for me, love can be found in Taiwan, Singapore, Peru, Slovakia, and the bread-winner, Israel.  Evidently, for me to find love I need distance and a language barrier.

Keeping Up With the Joneses

           Busy week.  I was amazed at how much free time I had, now that my profile was down.  Opening up my inbox and only seeing the number 3 was shocking, at first, and then refreshing.  As it seems, I was quite popular in the online dating world and didn’t realize how much time I was spending responding to emails.  In the real-life dating world that’s another story.  However, this week I was bizarrely popular.  I had three dates this week with three different men.  But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

           Saturday – date – drinks with tall thin white guy.  Sunday – emails – last minute responses before pulling plentyoffish profile.  Sunday night – text – guy lives four hours away.  Chance of actual meeting, slim to none.  Monday – emails – set date with next guy.  Send phone number to Facebook guy.  Monday night – text – typical how was your day text from four hours away guy.  Truthfully my day kinda sucked, but I just said it wasn’t great.  Asked how his was.  Supposedly his days are all good, claims he’s lucky.  Yes, you are, I responded.  You’re full of shit, I thought.  Got a power-through-the-rough-times and have a can-do attitude response text.  Four hours away guy has now become “The Preacher.”

          Tuesday – texts – to and from The Preacher and Facebook guy.  Tuesday evening – date – tall thin white guy.  Tuesday night – text – Received while at dinner from Paranoid guy who thought I couldn’t take his sarcasm and that’s why he couldn’t see my profile anymore.  Reminded him that I told him I was pulling my profile.  He didn’t think I’d actually do it.  Humph, well, I’m a woman of my word.  Also got text from Tuesday night date guy who apparently gets lost easily, Directionless Dude.  After getting lost in the parking garage looking for his car, he was thrilled with himself that he found the highway.

           Wednesday – text – midday inspiration from The Preacher.  Wednesday evening – voicemail – responded with an email.  Got a response email.   Directionless Dude wants to meet up again.  Wednesday night – phone calls – Paranoid called to set time to meet.  Facebook guy calls.  He finally has a voice, sounded very sweet and soft-spoken.  Definitely something new to me.  Wednesday bedtime – dizzy – managed to keep all names straight though.

           Thursday – text – The Preacher sends, “Today the greatest single source of wealth is between your ears.” -Brian Tracy.  Swell, thanks for the…well, nothing.  Thursday evening – date – Paranoid, short thin black guy.   Thursday night – text – Directionless Dude wanting me to pencil him in.

           Friday – in check – in no way am I getting a big head about all this attention.  On my early morning run I was going up a sidewalk and saw a small animal hobbling away in a nearby driveway.  As I approached the driveway, under the sound of my music I heard a slight “hssss.”  Turned my head to find a black ‘n’ white tail up and two furry butt cheeks at full attention spraying away.  I’ve never sprinted away from an animal so fast in my life.  Obviously, I am not adored and wanted by all. 

Last Men Standing

          No point faulting the men who came in late to the game.  Like I said before, I had a small surge of contacts the week of New Year’s.  At the time it would have been too soon to lock them into that NYE slot but no reason I couldn’t find out more about them.  Right? 

          In the weeks leading up to New Year’s I had an array of flakes.  Sadly, it wasn’t snow.  Hopefully, my shoveling is behind me and I can move forward with a clean start in the New Year.

          As of last night I officially pulled my POF file.  I am done with that mess.  And frankly, I’m exhausted.  I was on the phone with a friend and tried to do a tally of all the dates and phone calls I’ve had over the past few months- realized I didn’t have a clue.  Unimportant.  What is important is that I follow through with what I set out to do.  Find someone before New Year’s.

          Although my profile is gone, the newest men aren’t.  Having been in touch with them before New Year’s I figure technically they’re still game.  Now I just have to keep them straight.  Back to my post-it with clues.  I had one date over the weekend.  I’ve got 2 dates this week, 2 others I email, 2 texters, and a 1 facebooker.  That should keep me busy.  Well, for a little while anyway.

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