Posts Tagged ‘Dating Advice’

Organic Dating

     There is a word I have begun to hate in regards to dating and that is “organic.”  Organic fruit, meat, vegetables, those are all okay.  Using the word to mean something that comes about naturally, that’s okay too.  And one would think that meeting someone without the assistance of an online-dating site or a matchmaker would be considered “organic” too, but that’s where it stops.  When you use “organic” in your dating life that doesn’t refer to how you just ran into that someone and met naturally, it has a whole other meaning.  Let me give you an example.

     Over the summer I met a guy online, we emailed for a bit, and then exchanged numbers.  Our emails were short, but he seemed normal (as they usually do.)  He was talk, dark, taught Bikram yoga on the side, so he was buff as all get-out.  When we moved onto texting, he was very entertaining and seemed like a good guy.  After a day and a half of texting, he invited me to meet him for a happy hour drink around 6-6:30pm before he went to meet a friend that was in from out-of-town at 7-8pm.  Hmm…really showing interest asking me to meet you for thirty minutes and with only an hour warning.  I politely declined and then asked for a rain check.

     Two days later we were texting again, and again, with about an hour to spare, asked if I wanted to meet for happy hour.  A minute later he text this:

Mr. Organic: FYI… I’m very organic.  I prefer the now to the later.

Zia:  What’s that supposed to mean?  If I say “no” now, you won’t want to meet later?

Mr. Organic: No, just means I keep asking you with no planning, which is a pet peeve to most.

     I recommended the following day, trying to meet this guy in the middle with his organic-ness, but he wasn’t free.  I told him if he got to me in the morning, I could probably work something out.  He then said he would keep checking then.  And a minute later I got this text:

Mr. Organic: It works both ways though…if you’re free hit me up.  I’m always spur of the moment ready.

     Now you want me to throw the ball in my court?  I knew I’d never meet this guy or hear from him again unless I initiated it.  I said it before and I’ll say it again, putting a little effort into planning a date goes a long way, gentlemen.  Newsflash buddy, you have in your profile that you want a relationship.  You are aware that your organic-ness (a.k.a. lack of planning) is a pet peeve to most.  Seems to me that there is a clear explanation as to why you are forty-one and single.

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Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

     When I started this blog, I had no intention of being a serial online dater.  I was hoping to find someone whom I could transition with into real-life dating and progress from there.  In my now years of online dating experience, I have discovered that most people just don’t know how to mesh old-school style courtship with today’s technological cupid.  What I have concluded in my research is that there needs to be a blend of traditional courtship and modern expectations.

     As many of you have probably figured, I am not one of those women who expects a man to guess what she wants or what she is thinking.  I’ll just tell you.  So, when one of my suitors stated he had “never done online dating before,” and me being sick of hearing that, I thought, “hmm…this guy needs some assistance.”  I then typed up a list of online dating rules for him to follow and emailed them to him. – Yeah, I actually did that.  He followed them well but became too reliant on them and me to fill him in on what to do next.  Dude, you said you were new to online dating not dating itself.  At which point, I went back and tweaked the rules a bit and waited for another subject to test them on.

     As luck would have it, many men need these steps so I didn’t have to wait long.  I sent the new case study the updated version of the guidelines and he made it about half way through.  After our phone conversation, he said talk to you again later and, well, he didn’t.  Therefore, I quickly grasped he answered “no” to step 8.

     I have decided that this research should be shared and utilized to its fullest potential by my fellow daters.  And any man out there hoping to win over, maybe not me, but some woman that they’ve met online, I assure you, if you follow these steps you will get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Zia Zitella’s Online Dating Rules & Guidelines for Men

1) Actually READ the profile that is attached to the picture that caught your attention.

2) After taking a whooping three minutes to read her profile, decide if you’d like to contact her. A wink/icebreaker is acceptable only if you are pressed for time but don’t want this fine creature to slip through the cracks.  An email would be best.

            a. If you are looking at her profile after she winked or sent an icebreaker to you – DO NOT WINK BACK, you idiot.  If you are interested, email.  If not, move on.

            b. Do not be confused by the female “wink back.”  Those are acceptable.  She is informing you that it is okay to begin the wooing process.

3) Send witty, intriguing, and/or intelligible email.  Keep it short. No need for a soliloquy.

4) Receive reply email.

5) Continue emailing and decide if she is worth meeting.

6) Act on decision.

            a.  If you decide she is not worth meeting – cease further emailing.

            b.  If you decide she is worth meeting, ask for phone number.  Don’t just toss your number in an email and hope she uses it.  Be a man and make the phone call yourself.  Remember, you’re the one who is supposed to be doing the wooing.

7)  Call.  Avoid topics like Exes, recent break-ups, recent dates, how many other men they are talking to online, your boring ass job (she does not know you well enough to even pretend to care or take interest in what computer file went missing), your flaws, her flaws that you’ve noticed, and the like.

8 )  After phone call, decide if you would like to meet this person.

9)  Come up with date plan.

10)  Call (or email) and ask on date.

=> NOTE: Calling or emailing before first date is acceptable and encouraged.  It shows your interest and could earn you coveted brownie points for future use.

11)  Go on date.  Don’t be a schmuck.

12)  After date, call, text, or email her to let her know you had a good time.  Do not do this immediately after the date (shows either a quick write-off or stalkerish qualities) or wait three days before calling (lame rule and smart women will have moved on by then.)

=> NOTE: The woman may actually send you a quick text or email the next day telling you she had a good time.  She is not stalking you or sipping crazy juice.  She is just being polite and letting you know that if you would like to see her again, she’d be willing.

=> Additional NOTE: If she texts you more than three times and you haven’t responded or responded only once, she is sipping crazy juice and step away slowly.

13)  Decide if you want to go on second date.

14)  Plan second date.

15) Call and ask out for second date.  Do not say during phone call that, “I have no plan,” “What do you want to do?  I don’t care,” or “You decide.”  If you say any of these, you clearly skipped step 14 and should go back.  By saying any one of these, you instantly show laziness, that you want things done for you, that you can’t make a decision, and that you really don’t care – about her.  None of which will win her over.  Woo is also known as wow.

16)  Go on second date.  Don’t be a schmuck.

17)  Repeat steps 12-15.

18)  Keep wooing until ultimate/intended goal is achieved.

     Gentlemen, I believe these are very simply put and should be easy to follow.  Good luck on your flirting endeavors, I wish you luck, and hope to hear back with your success stories.  Ladies, feel free to email these along to your own suitors in need.

For a printer friendly version of Zia Zitella’s online dating rules & guidelines to hang over your computer, click here.