Archive for August, 2011

And Now for the “Ugly”

I left you with the question at the end of my last post, “Things are sounding good…right?’  Well…


     After proposing and telling me he missed me, I didn’t hear from him all week.  That doesn’t really add up to me.  But, then again, this is, unfortunately, dating in LA.  And let me just say – it sucks.  Anyway, as the guys do – they flake.  I figured he must have fallen into that same fate, although I didn’t see that coming from him.

     By Saturday night, and a week of complete silence, I sent him this inquisitive and possible sayonara text:

Zia text:  Hey Gameless Joe Jackson, haven’t heard from you in about a week so I’m guessing you’ve moved on?  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bummed.  I hope everything is going well with you, and good luck with your finals.  If I remember correctly, they’re coming up.

     Over an hour later I got this response:

Gameless Joe Jackson text:  Moved on?  Not in the slightest…I have just been studying a whole bunch.  How have you been in the past week?

     Dude, that’s it!  You couldn’t have taken five seconds to send a text that says, “Hey, sorry, I’m a bit busy, but just wanted to say hi?”  You could have even stated, “I can’t talk right now,” and then maybe tossed in, “but hope your week is going well.”  Something – anything – but silence and you expect a girl to still think you’re interested!?  And you’re curious as to why you’re single?

     I know, you’re probably saying, “Well, you could have texted him.”  And I could have, but the previous night’s text indicated that he would contact me.  And I was expecting it around mid-week.  He had been reliable and so on top of things thus far, why would I think differently?

     However annoyed, I kept my composure and texted back that I figured he was studying but thought that I might have heard from him mid-week.  This got no response.  I followed up with asking if his finals were next week.  That, he replied to.  Hmm…talk about neutral “you” subjects, and you’ll answer…interesting.  He said they were the week after, but had projects the following week. 

     This all added up in my head to:  Well, you just ignored me for a week because you claimed to be busy studying.  Now you’re telling me that you have a week of projects = one week, no contact.  Then a week of finals = another week, no contact.  Why did you bother texting back that you’re still interested if you’re trying to brush me off?  I gave you an out.

     Then I took into consideration his lack of game, and the fact that he is taking finals for the first time ten years later in life than when most people do.  I had already gathered from previous chats that he is kind of an all or nothing type of guy.  I also didn’t think he was that suave with time management skills when it came to studying. 

     I jokingly texted back asking if he’d be underground for two weeks.  (Hey, I wanted to know flat-out if he was planning on ignoring me for two weeks but yet was still crazy enough to expect me to be hanging around.)  Alas, that too got no response.

     His personality did seem a little different, a bit off, in his texts, so the next day I just asked how his studying was going.  He did admit to being a little lost, and said he could use some help.  Nice to know I was right about that.  I gave him a few tips and left him alone.

     Mid-week I shot him a quick text just to see how his studying was going.  I was getting the impression he was suffocating himself with books.  Got the brush off that he was busy.

     Meanwhile, I didn’t stop myself from dating.  Had my speed dating adventure, and then a longer-than-five-minutes follow-up date with Mr. 911.  After which I realized that dating Gameless Joe Jackson kind of ruined me.  Dates with him were fun and effortless.  Had the urge to texted him. “you suck,” but I held back.

     When the following week came to a close, and I knew his finals were over, I shot him one more quick text to see how they went.  I wasn’t expecting to start dating him again, but with his bipolar disorder, I was genuinely concerned.  Like I said, his texts didn’t really sound like him.  He replied back and we chatted for a little bit.  He was almost himself but not really.

     I have no idea what went on with him or what happened to him from the beginning of one week to the end of that week.  I am pretty confident it wasn’t some else because our texting times, date times, etc. were always at peak “family/couple time” hours that a significant other would have noticed.  It was like a personality light switch. 

     I talked to Cousin Jo-Jo about it.  She mentioned that she didn’t know much about treating bipolar disorder with medical marijuana, but what she did know was that in a manic state it calms you, but in a depression state it does nothing.  Meaning if he was in a state of depression, he was going untreated.  She ended up suggesting what I was thinking; give him a couple of weeks and then just send a text to see how he is “actually doing.”  She pointed out that if that was it, he may feel to embarrassed to contact me again, knowing he screwed up.

     So I let the time go by and then wrote out the text (which probably should have been an email, but it’s not like I thought he’d give me his email address.)  I said that I wanted to make sure he was actually ok, pointed out the light-switch personality (in so many words), and let him know that I always just accepted him for him.  Basically, I was letting this be my closure.

    Surprisingly enough, I got a response back:

Gameless Joe Jackson text: That was the most intense bombardment of texts I have ever received.  Thanks for your concern.  I would appreciate it if you stopped contacting me.  Best of luck.

     Wow.  So cold.  So distant.  So not the guy I met months before.  I could sit and over analyze, “What if I said this?” or “What if I said that?”  But honestly, do you really want to be dating a guy who is going to run away because one sentence wasn’t worded to his liking?  I sure don’t.  I never got an “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, and I didn’t need one.  Buddy, I know it was you.  And even though I was hurt and bummed for a while, I dusted myself off and got back up again.

     What I have come to find is that I am done dating pot-smoking head-cases.  Mr. ADD didn’t want me (disregard the fact I didn’t want him either) because I didn’t have my own mental disorder.  Damn, my mental stability.  And Gameless Joe Jackson, bipolar, didn’t want me because I cared.  Man, I’m such a horrible person; I was concerned. 

To Smooch or Not to Smooch

My previous post ended with Gameless Joe Jackson having a full bladder and ready to set a wedding date.

     When we got to the second bar, he mad-dashed it to the restroom while I found seats at the bar.  Our drinking and chatting continued.  He pulled out his phone, opened up the calendar, and picked the dates he wanted to go camping.  Everything he talked about with me was always about the future.  Other than wanting to go camping for our third date, resulting in us skipping a week of seeing each other, we seemed to be right on schedule with seeing each other once a week.  A slow steady pace, but it was working for us.  So I let him know that I was going to be out-of-town the following weekend for a trip back east.

     I took another quick bathroom break, and again I found myself returning to a full beer waiting for me.  Being a week night, no food in my system, I really didn’t need it.  But I really hate being wasteful, so…bottoms up.

     On our walk back to our cars, I thought he may attempt to come through on his promised “hand-holding,” but he didn’t.  He still seemed a bit intimidated and nervous.  All I could think is that it was date three.  He most likely will go in for a kiss and that is probably what he is thinking about, right?

     We arrived at the parking lot and he walked me to my car.  I got a hug good-bye, and as he pulled away, in true gameless fashion, he said, “I was going to try and kiss you, but…uh…no…I can’t…I…” – And then walked away avoiding eye contact and looking a bit embarrassed.  I could tell, I completely fluster this guy.

     We returned to our texting over the next few days.  At the beginning of the following week, he double checked on when I was going out-of-town and then asked if I wanted to meet up the day before I left.  I said sure; however, the day we were to meet he cancel because of a test he had to study for that he had forgotten about.  I knew his school semester was coming to an end, so I didn’t think twice about it.  I told him I would only accept his cancellation if he aced the test.

     The next day we texted a bit before I hopped on my red-eye flight.  As I was about to turn off my phone I got one more text from him telling me to text him when I land so he wouldn’t worry.  Hmm…we’re at the “worrying about me” stage already?  Well, he did propose.  Guess we originally missed that step.  It was kind of adorable.

     I didn’t gush about this new guy to my entire family while I was home, but we did text quite a bit, so some people knew something was up.  He made reference to our camping trip and how he was getting ready for it.

     When I returned that following Monday, I thought I would hear from him since I knew he knew that I was returning.  Since I didn’t, I shot him a text making reference that I was back.  I didn’t hear back until about ten o’clock when I was so tired I was ready to hit the hay.  He apologized for not seeing the text sooner and was glad I made it back safely.  Before I put my head on the pillow I got this text: “…I am glad you are home.  I might have missed hanging out with you a little bit.”

     Things are sounding good…right?


To read the final post in The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly series, click here.

The Big Question

     After my cooking confession, where my last post left off, he started quizzing me on what I could cook.  He ran through a laundry list of things, most of which were no-brainers for me.  Then I saw a lightbulb go off in his head.
Gameless Joe Jackson: Can you make apple pie?
Zia’s Thoughts: Christ. When I said I could cook, I meant I could cook – whatever.
Zia: Yes, I can make apple pie.
Gameless Joe Jackson: (flat and serious) Will you marry me?

Zia: So you’ve heard enough?
Gameless Joe Jackson: Yeah, I’ve heard enough.  I know all I need to know.
Zia: Is your family aware that you’re gonna sell yourself out for the promise of apple pie?
I don’t really recall his response to that since I was trying to hold back laughter as to how serious he was about the marriage proposal over my word that I can cook.
We carried on.  Of course the medical marijuana topic made an appearance.  I found out he “medicates” because he’s bipolar.  Apparently it runs in the family…as he called it, “bad breeding stock.”  He also told me that I could relax and be myself.  Um…I just told you I wouldn’t cook for you because you’d fall in love with me.  Does that sound like a woman who is holding back?  I just told him I was being myself.  Guess he thought I’d cuss like a sailor or something.  I did take that opportunity to ask him if I made him nervous.  Bipolar hyper manic phase aside, I could tell he was a bit jittery.  He confirmed, “Yes, very.”
He asked if I wanted to walk to another bar down the road a bit.  He said he likes to bar hop, but I noticed that he just can’t sit still.  Every date we relocate.  I said okay, and he said he would have to “medicate” before we go.  I noticed on the other dates, and their length, that he never smoked while with me.  He said he knew I didn’t like it, so he held off.  After blurting out “bipolar,” all his hyperness from previous dates made sense, and he really does need to chill and take care of business.  I ran to the bathroom while he did his thing, and when I returned he was already done and waiting.  He had his sunglasses up to point out that not all potheads have bloodshot eyes.  He is very self-conscious about many things, I’ve noticed.
Like a mom, I asked if he needed to go to the bathroom.  He had had a few and we were going walk about a mile to the next bar.  He said no that he was fine.  Mid walk I notice him slowly picking up pace.
Zia: You have to go the bathroom, don’t you?
Gameless Joe Jackson: Yes. Yes, I do.
Zia: (little chuckle) Mm-hmm…
Gameless Joe Jackson: If we can just keep this pace…
Thoroughly entertained by this, but not teasing him too much, we kept talking to distract him from his abundant bladder activity.
He brought up food again, and again started asking about things I could make.
Gameless Joe Jackson: Can you make cheesecake?
Zia: Yes. I made one once with a coworker and we sliced apples and soaked them in dark rum. It was great.
And without skipping a beat he said, “Soooo, we haven’t set a date yet.”
Took me a minute to register what he was talking about, and then it dawned on me.  Had we walked by a courthouse, I’m sure he would have dragged me in and married me on the spot.



To read the next post from The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly series, click here.

What’s Cookin’

The day of the third date…I know, it’s almost like a record for me.

     We both arrived to our third date at the same time. We parked and headed into the bar I chose which was just behind the movie theater and fortunately just opened.
Walked in, sat at the bar, and ordered a couple of beers.  As people started filling in we moved to a bar-top off to the side.  We were chatting, and at one point, as I was talking, he interrupted me to say: “We’re going camping. I just wanted you to know. I’ve decided.”  I noticed the expression on his face as he was saying this and, well…, he was admiring me.  He was sitting back on the bar stool, leaning to the side resting his head in his hand.
I just smiled, said okay, and asked when would this be happening.  He said he didn’t know yet but was thinking toward the end of the month when his classes are over.  I informed him I had a break at that time, so it would be possible.  Plus, this gave me a few more weeks to get to know him before traipsing off into the woods with him.
We continued chatting.  The “I may even try to hold your hand,” text came into the conversation and he blatantly stated he had no game.  Don’t worry, sweetheart, I caught that.
As it got closer to movie time.  I finished my beer and ducked into the bathroom.  When I returned, there was another beer waiting for me.  I looked at my full beer, and the time, and then said to him:
Zia: I don’t think I’ll be able to finish this before the movie.
Gameless Joe Jackson: We don’t have to go a movie. I just like hanging out with you.
He may not have much game, but he has his moments, for sure.
With the movie plan dead in the water, we continued talking without paying much attention to time.  He asked when I was going to cook for him.  During our second date, he asked, and we talked briefly, about cooking.  Then one night while texting, he asked when I was going to cook him dinner.  At the time I was at Buddha Babe’s apartment polishing off a bottle of wine, so I responded, “when I sober up.”  It was only date three, and I have been delaying cooking for him with sound reasoning.
Ladies, be aware of your skills.  I may not be good at much, and I don’t feel I’m a very prideful person.  But I know this – I – can – cook.  You need to know the right time to bring out your “big guns” and I felt it was still a little early.

My response to him was this…
Zia: I am aware that I can cook.  And I know that once I cook, it’s all over for you.  You’ll be in love with me and never want to leave.  I haven’t decided if I want that yet.
Gameless Joe Jackson: (small laugh, big smile) You’re right.  If you can cook, I’m not going anywhere.

To read the next post from The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly series, click here.