Archive for May, 2011

Prince Handsy (Part 3)

     I didn’t think it was possible to have more Prince Handsy news (read Parts 1 and 2 here), but the man just won’t quit.  I feel I have ended it with him about three times already.  Now, before you all start rolling your eyes, jumping up and down, and snapping, “Zia, what were you thinking?” let me just say, there was never a second date.  Before he got all gropey and slobbery on the first date, I had agreed to meet him again but fortunately he canceled the day of so I didn’t have to put myself in an uncomfortable situation again where I would feel like I was his own personal cat-nip.
     Through mostly texts and a couple of phone calls, here is a bit of the saga that is our Ground Hog Day relationship.

     The day after our first date he sent a text asking if we were on for Saturday.  I didn’t remember to agreeing to that.  Told him it was my birthday weekend, had plans with friends, but could possibly meet him for lunch if he came up my way.  (Figured I’d be safer in broad daylight.)  He said he already had plans with friends and wanted me to join.  (Uuuh, meeting your friends on the second date?  Really?)  He then rescheduled to Monday.  This was all accomplished by Wednesday.
     Got a few texts on Thursday, one saying “Happy Birthday.”  I told him it wasn’t until Sunday.  And then one saying, see you Monday at my place.  (Dude, already went over the fact that I don’t know you well enough to go to your place.)  Then received a text:

Prince Handsy: Please, can you dress sexy on Monday?

Zia’s Text:  Doubtful.  Don’t think you’d be able to behave yourself.

Zia’s Thoughts: I’ll be wearing a chastity belt in your presence.

     The texts continued for a little bit.  He then made a joke that wasn’t funny and inappropriate and I told him so.  He promptly apologized and was genuinely sorry.  Think he was afraid I’d bail on the date – tempting.

     Got another text that Saturday saying “Happy Birthday” and then didn’t hear from him for the rest of the weekend.  By Monday evening I still hadn’t heard from him, so I sent a text to see if we were still on.  Got a text saying yes, and then a phone call to cancel.  This was fine by me.  Earlier that day I had found out that a friend of mine finally lost his two-year battle with leukemia that morning, so I was in no mood to really be on a date.
     Didn’t hear from him again until Wednesday. 

Prince Handsy: Can we meet tomorrow?

Zia’s Text: What time?  I thought you had class?

Prince Handsy:  Yes, I do.  I am done at 9:30pm.

Zia’s Text:  That’s way too late for me during the week.  Sunday?

Zia’s Thoughts:  You sound like you’re scheduling a booty call.

Prince Handsy: Ok

Zia’s Text (at 7:40pm):  Can we do the afternoon?

Zia’s Thoughts: Again, I want broad daylight with you.


Prince Handsy:  Let’s do Saturday.

Zia’s Text:  I can’t.  I work all day Saturday.

Zia’s Thoughts:  Ugh, creature of the night.  Hoping to feel me up in the moonlight again?

Prince Handsy:  Ok.  Hope all is well?

Zia’s Text:  Yup, everything’s fine.  You?

     He decided to answer that question on Saturday.  After I got the “ok” on Thursday, I gathered that meeting Sunday afternoon was what the “ok” was agreeing to.  However, I never heard of any plans.  I worked late that Saturday and while I was driving home at 11pm he called.  I was incredibly tired and was in no mood to talk.  If he had wanted to meet me Sunday, he should have planned ahead better.  When I got in, I sent a quick text.

Zia’s Text (11:22pm):  Hi Prince Handsy, sorry, I was driving when you called.  I just got home from work and am super-tired.  Hope you’re having a good night.

Prince Handsy (11:23pm):  I want you to come to my place.

Zia’s Thoughts:  Dude, WTF!?

Zia’s Text: (no response)


Prince Handsy:  How are you Princess?

Zia’s Thoughts:  Oh dear God, if he only knew the nickname I have for him.  And since when did I become a Princess?

     A few I’m fine, thanks texts and then I get…

Prince Handsy (10:37am):  Are you coming?

Zia’s Text (10:40am):  Coming where?

Prince Handsy (3:45pm):  To my place, please.

Zia’s Thoughts:  In what universe is that going to happen?  And Christ, five hours later you decide to answer?  Man, there are quite a few reasons why you are single.

Zia’s Text: (no response)

Prince Handsy (6:50pm):  Why are you mad?

Prince Handsy (7pm):  I don’t know why you are mad at me?

Zia’s Text (7:02pm):  I’m not mad.  Confused a little but not mad.  I’ve been at my friend’s house all afternoon helping her unpack from her move.  You asked on Wednesday to meet Thursday and I told you Sunday I was free.  You text back Saturday and I said no because I was working.  All you said was “okay.”  I didn’t know what that meant and never heard back from you, so when my friend asked for help, I made plans for my one day off.

And I also don’t know why you keep asking me to meet you at your place.  Prince Handsy, I like you (basically you’re just hot) but I don’t know you.  I’d like to get to know you better but you live far.  I have been down your way once.  You should come up my way if you want to see me again.  I think that’s fair.

Prince Handsy:  I’m a student.  It won’t be possible for me to come now, not until I finish my studying.

Zia’s Thoughts:  Ugh, Moron.  Did I say now?  No.

Zia’s Text:  I don’t mean now.  I mean we need to schedule, in advance, a time when we’re both free.  I know we’re both busy and have crazy schedules.  Planning is needed.

Prince Handsy:  Can you come now?

Zia’s Thoughts:  WTF is wrong with this guy!?

Zia’s Text (7:24pm):  No, I can’t come now.  I have been working all day and have to wake up early in the morning.  It takes me an hour just to get to you.  I don’t know why you don’t understand this.  Since you live an hour away, I can’t just up and come.

Zia’s Thoughts:  Did I spell that out simple enough for you?

Monday at 2:23am, Prince Handsy: I understand my dear.  Wishing you a beautiful week.

Zia’s Thoughts (2:23am): …zzzzzzzzzz…..zzzzzzzzzz…..


Prince Handsy:  Can we meet on Wednesday?

Zia’s Thoughts:  Dude, seriously?  Let’s see what he listened to.

Zia’s Text:  Will you be able to come up my way?

Prince Handsy:  I’m sorry, no.

Zia’s Text: (no response)


Prince Handsy:  Can you come my way?

Zia’s Thoughts:  Your text does not dignify a response.  It’s like teaching a child to retie his shoes each morning.  You want me to drive an hour and come right now.  Not gonna happen.

Zia’s Text: (no response)

     While I was half asleep in bed on Friday night, I heard a sound.  Took me a minute to realize my phone was ringing.  It was just about midnight and the caller ID read, Prince Handsy.  Hell no, I’m not answering now.

Saturday Afternoon

Prince Handsy: You are mad.

Zia’s Text: (no response)

Zia’s Thoughts:  You’re a bonehead.

     I would like to say this is the last of him, but he’s proven to be thick as a brick so there is no telling.  Note to self: wait until date is completely over before agreeing to second date.  And if the man is a former pro-soccer player factor in that there may be some brain damage.