Dating. . .Destruction?

     According to Dr. D, there are thirteen Deadly Dating Patterns that women could fall into.  I fell into two of them.  And I feel they are two of the “normal” ones.  If you fall into some of the others, . . . lay off the crazy juice.  She gives great examples and, of course, a more doctor-y feel, but this is how I interpreted them:

1)  FLAME OUT – This is the best relationship I’ve ever had, an amazing three hours.  I’d like a princess cut in a platinum setting, please.

2)  THE FANTASY RELATIONSHIP – Just because Shemar Moore doesn’t know me, doesn’t mean anything.  We are perfect together and will have perfect babies.

3)  CRUMBS – He said he is going to leave his wife.  And this is the 627th time he has promised, so I know he’s really going to do it now. 

4)  HERMIT – Peek-a-boo

     This is a semi-fit for me.  Although I’m not shy, let’s face it, after a long day of work some people just irk me.  At that point, I’d rather not share breathing space with them.

5)  I’LL MAKE YOU LOVE ME – You’ve got all the right stuff.  So, you’re not interested, no problem.  Allow me to introduce myself, “Hello, I’m Wonderwoman.”

6)  ABUSE RECYCLE – SMACK – POW – rinse – repeat

     In all honestly, my heart goes out to these women.

7)  THE SAFETY NET – Such a loyal pup.  If I leave out food, you will come back too.

8)  NOT PERFECT, I’LL PASS – You know, that third nipple doesn’t really fly with me.

9)  CHASE ME – I like you.  No, I don’t.  I do, but I’m not telling.  Let me push you away.  Okay, come back.

10)  FADE AWAY – I like you so much but I don’t want to bore you; so I’m going to sit like a stone and not talk.

11)  JEALOUSY TRAP – Oh yeah, you love me?  Well then, please stop talking to all other women forever.  Don’t look at them, eyes on the road.  Wait for the male bank teller to become available.  And if you could cut off ties with your mother, that’d really help my ego.

12)  JUST BUDDIES – Look at that hottie over there.  Sure, I’ll go put in a good word for you.  By the way, I have boobs too, but they don’t make it to the parade very often.

     Clear as a bell when I read this one.  I knew it was me just from the title.  Tomboys-R-Us.  Having worked in many male-dominate jobs, I have become exceptional at blending in so I would be treated more equally.  As a result, talking to guys is not an issue.  However, flirting is a foreign language.

13)  THE GRASS IS GREENER – Ooo, look a blonde one.  Oh, a blonde with muscles.  Whoa, brown wavy hair and muscles.  Wait.  What’s around that corner?

     Well, there you have it ladies.  Where do you fit in?

     Oh, and guys . . . don’t think you are getting off the hook so easily.  I’ll have your Deadly Dating Patterns next week.



  1. Katarina Said:

    Hmmm, interesting – does she give you a way of stepping outside of those labels? Is there a prescription depending upon which category you fall into? Good luck!

    • ziazitella Said:

      Oh yeah, she does. The first step is admitting the problem. Then the rest of the book helps you to work with it and/or change your ways.

  2. […] Since I am now following the tutelage of Dr. D, I made sure I broke myself from my Just Buddies deadly dating pattern and put more effort into my appearance for the date.  The legs were already […]

  3. Caleb Said:

    I saw her website and her workshops- it was like watching Jillian Michaels except for self-esteem instead of fat rolls.

    You were right– I read this again and immediately thought of two categories (being two women from recent history)

    14. SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING LATER? No really. Wanna hang out in an hour? I’m free tonight. Want me to get up in the middle of the night and we’ll go star-watching? How about I come in the morning and cook your breakfast. No? Busy? What do you have going on for lunch tomorrow? You know what would be fun? Picnic dinner- just the two of us! What are you up to this weekend?

    15. PSYCH! GOTCHA! No, no- go hang with your friends! No, seriously, it’s totally cool- I have to go shopping with my girls anyway. Plus, if I get some free time I’ll practice up on Halo so I can whoop you! Sure- sure, I’ll give you a BJ. In fact, I was going to suggest it. To be honest, it’s probably one of my favorite things. That and watching sports and drinking beer (your favorite kind). Wait… what’s that? 6 months have passed and your defenses are down? Attack!!! Where were you last night? Huh? Why didn’t you call me? You been cheating? Huh! What’s her name! I’m going to burn your Xbox, pour out all your beer, NEVER give you a beej, and just maybe poop on your carpet.

    Now before you get sensitive, the ‘pooping on the carpet’ thing was an exaggeration. For comedic effect. She DID, however, plug her ears while screaming/crying in a crowded stadium because of some perceived slight or insult.

    Chicks, right?

    • ziazitella Said:

      Yes, I went in and bold faced the “You were right,” because it sounded good. However, the 2 categories you gave were just examples of I’ll Make You Love Me (14) and Jealousy Trap (15). Man, you meet some whacked-out chicks.

      BTW, why would I get sensitive about the “poop on the carpet” thing? It’s the funniest thing you’ve said to date. :p

  4. Caleb Said:

    1. Bolding my comment. Totally inappropriate, and quite funny. Well played.

    2. How about we compromise and say that these are sub-groupings? We can always email your Dr. for clarification.

    3. You have NO idea. I’ve dated all sorts of crazies! But then again, all you chicks are nuts. That being said, if you WEREN’T nuts you wouldn’t be any fun, either.

    One time I dated a chick that went nuts after we broke up. She keyed the car of the new girl I was dating, and then in a summer class we had together she FREAKS OUT and starts screaming at me in front of the entire class. As I tried to calm her down and gently guide her outside to continue the conversation (read: tell her to sit her crazy ass down and quit acting like a maniac) she actually CLAWED my FACE. Luckily I matrix-style dodged just in time so she barely nicked me. Still blood though.


  5. […] Dr. Diana Kirschner, guitar, Love in 90 Days, vegging }      I mentioned before about Deadly Dating Patterns.  I have reached a point in the book where it assists you on how to break free of those patterns. […]

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