Know Your Ranking

          I feel this needs to be said: Look in the mirror and get a good grasp of what league you’re in!  If you’re surfing and find a profile/picture you like, ask yourself, “do I have a shot?”  If you feel you do, think about it and ask yourself again.

          I can’t tell you how many old grandpas have emailed me.  Newsflash – I have no “daddy issues,” no desire to live the Zeta-Jones/Douglas lifestyle, and some may think you’re more distinguished but all I see are the wrinkles and gray.  There are some men out there who pull off their older age; those are not the people who’ve contacted me.

          Age aside, let’s venture into the Ugly.  People, have you never heard of “on a scale of one to ten?”  Let’s try and be somewhat realistic on the people you contact.

          Now, I’m no 10 but I’m not a 1 either.  I think everyone has a range.  I would place myself at a 6 for everyday and could go up to an 8 with the whole hair, make-up, heels combo, but those are rare occasions.  Like I said before, I don’t like doing all that work.  So, if I’m in that range, it’s perfectly acceptable for me to contact any guy in the 5-8 range.  A 10 would be pushing it, a 9 would require constant hair & make-up on my part, and a 4 or lower would want to show me off like a trophy and I don’t do Hollywood starlet spotlight.  I can sniff out these trophy seekers with their corny attention-getting subject lines like, “Quesadillas are good.”  – Yes, I actually received that.

          My last two contacts should have both read this.  This first one looked like Kenny Rogers and said he was 40.  Buddy, double-check that glasses prescription.  And the second one was a borderline midget with a lazy eye and an oversized nose.  And I’m Italian, so if I think your nose is big…

          Nothing in their profiles lead me to believe they actually thought before contacting me.  If these men actually read my profile they’d see that I workout, am very active, and want someone who can keep up.  Gramps would probably have trouble with stairs and Shorty would have to take 2 steps to my one.  He’d tire out just on a walk from the car to the restaurant door.

          If you’re feeling bold & daring one day and want to take a chance on contacting someone out of your ranking, do it.  Who am I to stop you?  But please read about them first.  They may out rank you but still possibly be in your league.



  1. Jimmy Said:

    Eek, I’m sorry but I’m not with you on this. I’d class myself as a 6, able to rise to a 7…but why not email who the hell I like? If I want to try my luck at a 10, I can? I have been on dates with 9s before…and I’ve snogged 3s. There’s the football analogy, isn’t there…’Which league are you in?’ Which can be extended to ‘Which team are you?’ Well my theory is that everyone is Manchester United to someone…
    Enjoying your blog, by the way.

    • ziazitella Said:

      Yeah, I hear ya. This was written more out of annoyance for the people who haven’t even attempted to read my profile to see what I’m looking for.

  2. I just have to say, I’ve been reading through some of your posts (just found your site today), and you are freaking hilarious.
    Keep them coming please, I love your style!

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