The Wrestler

     In order for any relationship to work there needs to be a good dose of reality.  After receiving an email and then reading the next contestant’s online profile and finding under “interests” he put “thumb wrestling,” I was intrigued.  The basis of our communications have gone like this:

Zia:  Your the first I’ve read to list “thumb wrestling” as an activity. You do this often? Big tournaments 😉 No office pools for that though, huh?

Thumber:  No pools unfortunately but I almost went pro with the UTWC (Ultimate Thumb Wrestling Championships) until I had a freak thumb sprain using my mouse.

Zia:  So tragic that the mouse induced strain kept you from the championships. You’ll get’em next year.

Thumber:  Yes, I have put my thumb on a high protein program that is doing wonders, thanks for asking.

Zia:  I think the protein diet should do the trick. Especially if you add in some extra stretching to prevent future injury. You don’t want to futher damage the money maker.

Thumber:  Haha, yeah I should make a little coat to keep him warm before matches.

Zia:  I’m thinking something in the way of leg-warmer only finger size as a warm-up jacket might be nice. Maybe with the words “Big T” on the side to boost his self-esteem.

     All this charming banter, he couldn’t resist.  We’re going out tonight.  With a solid foundation like this, I think we’ll be fine.

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8 Comments »

  1. Fishy Said:

    Haha, this is quality banter. Love it. Good luck.
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater – One Man’s Dating Diary*

  2. Caleb Said:

    What if he’s serious?

    You show up, his thumb is massive, and he’s actually wearing a UTWC shirt and carrying a trophy.

    You: “uh… oh. Right. Um.. I though that, er..”

    Him: “More thumb protein! Sorry- are you my date?”

    You: “Yeah, uh, I gotta go.”

    Although… maybe that massive thumb would come in handy. Easier to get cabs.

  3. Caleb Said:

    Hey Zia-

    You’ve inspired me.

    I posted this (from my blog) on an actual website (PoF). Can’t WAIT to see if I get any responses!

    LOL

    I amuse myself.

    A little bit about me… First off, I’m kind of neurotic. I have
    regular, multiple conversations with ourself, and frequently experience
    dramatic personality shifts. I’m OCD, ADD, and a P.I.M.P. I don’t
    really listen very well and have contempt for most people (especially
    women). While I don’t “lie” per se, I do like to bend and exaggerate
    the truth to a point where it’s barely recognizable just to serve my own
    ends. I’m good at making women who first meet me think that I’m normal,
    and can usually keep that up just long enough to get in their pants.
    I’m bossy, demanding, and not particularly kind. If you’re the kind of
    girl who likes special things on her birthday, or for a guy to even
    remember her birthday, keep lookin’.

    What I like… this is the tough part. I don’t want to say that I’m
    “picky” but I do have a few deal-breakers. I don’t like any women with
    any sort of personal defect whatsoever; from a crooked tooth to a
    hangnail, don’t bring your flaws to my doorstep! I prefer small, easily
    dominated women with a flair for obedience. Nothing makes me happier
    than a kind woman who is willing to bring me things I want (beer, food,
    remotes, etc.), clean up a bit, do some laundry, and not be such a bitch
    about it that she complains all day. Physical attraction is a must. I
    know it sounds a little shallow, but I really need at least a C cup. I
    could maybe accept you with less, but you would have to have rockin’
    face or a whole lotta junk in yo trunk if you know what I mean! J/k!
    No, seriously though. I like women who dress in short skirts and
    low-cut tank tops, but if you ever cheated on me I would run you over
    with my car.

    Finally, a note about compatibility. I can’t be in a relationship where
    there is no respect for each other, so don’t be a hater who wants to
    bust her man’s chops about playing Xbox all night. I’ll let you shop or
    whatever, or clean in peace and quiet, so the least I expect is for you
    to respect me in everything I do. And one final thought: I need a woman
    who is ready to do anything I require to achieve sexual satisfaction
    without expecting anything in return! Unconditional love, please!

    Well, if you’re pretty and interested in meeting me, please send me a
    message and let’s get together! We’ll go to my favorite restaurant and
    see a movie I want to see. Your treat!

    • ziazitella Said:

      Zeesh, I don’t know if I want to ask how I inspired you. But I see we are never meant to be, the chip in my tooth would do me in.

  4. Caleb Said:

    Probably. But remember; the law of averages works here too. You might have a chipped tooth, but gigantic boobs. Or a unabrow but smoking legs. Or flat-chested but sexually permissive.

    Don’t sell yourself short! You can submit an application if you’d like.

  5. Man-shopper Said:

    I’m jealous! I want banter! I also want masculinity, but I apparently announced to a number of people that I would throw out all my standards last week.

    And now I remember why I swore off rum.

  6. […] Guy: Thumber […]


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