I am going to take a little side step from the Gameless Joe Jackson saga I’ve been updating you on because this recent occurence is just too good not to share.
A few weeks ago I received an email on match.com. It’s entire contents was just the word “hello.” Anyone who has been following my blog for a little while can tell you how this irks me – beyond belief. The man’s picture looked somewhat familiar, like a guy I met on a different site, but I wasn’t one hundred percent positive. I disregarded it and went on my merry way.
Last week I received yet another email from the same man. This time the email read, “Do you remember me?” So, this time I scrolled through the pictures. It looked like a trying-too-hard model photo shoot. Bald, black, muscley, tight t-shirts, and sunglasses in just about every shot. But then I saw it. The one photo where he was looking at the camera without sunglasses and his “crazy-eyes” glaring back at me.
Yes. Yes I do remember you, Mr. Fig Newton! Ugh. I was right. It was him. For those of you new to my blog, the post on him is classic and a bit of a fan favorite. I met him a couple of years ago. He was very interested, but our last and final date was all I could handle. When I told my friends of his return, they thought I should ask him how the spider was doing. This spider reference will be much clearer when you read the original Mr. Fig Newton post. For a refresher or to read it for the first time, click here.
Out of kindness I emailed him back, told him I do remember him, and asked how he was. And to be a hard-ass asked him what was up with the super model photo shoot and the sunglasses. I got the response:
“I’m good sweetie. What’s good with you? I can’t believe a sexy (His use of this creeped me out the first time and still does) girl like you is still single. I’m still trying to figure out why we never coupled up. (You’re a bit of an idiot.) I wanted you lol. (I know. Subtlety wasn’t your strong suit.)
I don’t know about supermodel lol. But if it impresses you, (It didn’t.) it’s all gravy. They ain’t all got sunglasses. I don’t hide. Just a lil something to make you curious and lure you in to me 😉 (Think you need new bait.) Shoot me your number again. (fat chance) Lets talk”
I replied back informing him that it was not like I was trying to still be single. And then I asked how the spider was. Really. I did. He responded back and completely ignored the spider question. Uh, this guy’s no fun. Done with you. And asked once more for my number.
Since I didn’t want this to linger on, I waited a few days and then emailed him back. Said thanks for checking in on me, but I was going to pass on giving him my number. Told him I was talking to someone else right now and want to see how it plays out. To which he responded:
“Oh… That hurt. Don’t be so hasty to write me off. I still think I’m the guy for you. (Funny, I don’t.) Just because you pass, doesn’t mean I have to. (Really?) Give it some thought. (insert moron’s phone number here). (Seriously?) I’d love to hear your voice again pretty mama.” (weirdo)
He never once used my name through all of this. How into me could he have even been if he can’t even remember my name? And how do I find these prize gems…and why do they come back?
New Year's Date Countdown 
Anita Kloo Said:
on July 25, 2011 at 11:51 pm
Apparently the spider’s moved onto greener pastures and he’s still in denial. Probably the denial of reality.
Katarina Said:
on July 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Oh. My. Heavens. Makes me giggle. If it wasn’t so irritating and the fact that he might actually have remembered your name, would have been fun to tell him you’d give him your number if he could tell you what your name was. Money says he would have come back with “Sexy” or “Sexy Mama” and thought it was flattering or cute. 😉
ziazitella Said:
on July 27, 2011 at 9:25 pm
Oh yeah, vomit, he would say something like that.