Curbside Attraction

     I have hit a dry spell in my dating life, and the lack of male prospects, at times, makes me a bit delirious.  It’s probably nothing to be alarmed about, but you tell me.  This is what happened at the beginning of the year during my last drought.

     One Saturday night I was heading out to meet my wingwomen for a movie and then drinks.  I pulled up to a traffic light and saw one of the homeless guys, I sometimes pass, on the corner.  I always do my best to avoid eye contact since the change in my pocket barely covers my gas to work, and a movie and drinks is splurging.  Although I avoid eye contact I do read the signs they hold.  His is my favorite, “If nothing else, give me a smile.”  That day his sign was propped on a trash bag and he was talking to some woman who was also by the corner.  Given that there was a low risk of eye contact, I stole a glimpse of the homeless guy.  He was kind of young, probably around my age, little scruffy but not all that dirty for a homeless guy.

     After the movie and a couple of drinks, I started to tell my crew about my epiphany on my car ride over.  Later I found that my friend Subtle-T was texting all this to my BFF Suzie Q.

Subtle-T: Zia has a new boy prospect.  He has a reliable location and can’t run away.  He’s a one-legged pan handler who’s very cute.

Suzie Q: Lol. What does that mean?

Subtle-T: It’s code for the homeless guy who stands at the corner.

Suzie Q: Very cute, huh? Well, there would be hope for the kids look wise.

Subtle-T: His sign even says “at least give me a smile.”

Suzie Q: Did she at least give him a smile?

Subtle-T: He wasn’t looking.  Zia has named him Jack.

Suzie Q: Sounds like she has a crush…

Subtle-T: She does, even making up stories of how he lost the leg.

Suzie Q: Oh my.

     I had decided that he lost his leg in battle.  And after returning from the war, found himself homeless.  But, after a few weeks had gone by, there was no Jack sighting.  I was beginning to think that even a one-legged homeless man had given up on me.  But then…reason to text…

Zia: There was a Jack sighting! He hasn’t left me. I’d recognize that metal leg anywhere. Unfortunately, I think we have to break up. He’s a smoker.

Subtle-T: Are you disappointed?

Zia:  Yes.  He really should take better care of himself. He had a friend with him today.

Subtle: Competition or choices for you?

Zia: Nah, this guy looked too scruffy.  And he had both legs, not my type.



  1. Love the ending!

  2. Man-shopper Said:

    Both legs?! Too rich for my blood…

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