Who would reply to that?

      With all my busy-bee and sickness at the beginning of the year, I am now starting to ease my way back into the dating world.  It has easily been a few months since my last date and with not many prospects it may be a bit longer.  I decided to search through some online dating files that match.com decided to pair me with.  I believe these have gotten worse since my return from hiatus.  It raises many questions like: What the hell are you thinking?,  What are you doing?, What kind of responses are you expecting with that verbal diarrhea?  But I believe what I really want to ask these Men-on-the-Search is, “Who would reply to that ridiculous assinine-ness you just spued all over the page?”  So I thought I’d share some of my findings and you tell me what you think.

Dude #1 scores with this top-notch tagline: Are you emotionally available?  (No, but I had nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon, so I filled out a long-ass questionnaire about myself for kicks.)

Dude #2 gets you started with a very “inviting” tagline:  Ready to start dating again… (Yes, he put the ellipsis)

Then his profile:
Please ask when regarding this topic…. (Ask what?  And why more ellipses into nowhere.)

In a nutshell, I got out of a long relationship, got hurt so I took time off from dating and now ready to see what is out there.  (Hi.  Let me introduce you to my baggage.)

Looking for similar interests, a person who has their head on straight. (This line will work well because what woman is going to respond, “I prefer keeping my head up my ass?”)

Dude #3 -His profile stands alone and needs no commentary:
One Hot Beachwalker looking for Hot Ninja Princess to share hungover walks on beach and marathon p90x sexy time sessions with. Maybe occasional yoga class, fist pump, or film & music festival. Gotta love food… but can’t be a fat arse… Gotta love booze… but can’t be saucy…. I’m sure there is someone “just right” out there for me. At least my psychic thinks so. 

     I’m single.  It’s a mystery.

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4 Comments »

  1. Man-shopper Said:

    Dude #3!!!! That profile is so priceless that I’m tempted to tell you to go on a date with him just to put a face to “Hot Beachwalker”.

    Also, the image that pops into my head with “Hot Ninja Princess”? I could publish a graphic novel from that image alone.

    • ziazitella Said:

      I envision the Hot Ninja Princess with a black scarf covering her nose & mouth and a tiarra.

  2. Simmarah Said:

    Oh good Lord, LOL. #3’s profile is ridiculous. Did this guy pay for his profile too? And what does beach walker mean? And who puts that in their profile!??

    GAH!

  3. Ken Said:

    More and more I’m thinking of just changing my tagline to “I will hold doors open for you, make you laugh, and eat your pussy like a champ.” That’s my elevator pitch.


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