So Long DUD Life

     Now that I am working extra hard at finding STUDs and moving away from the DUDs, I thought it would be fun to take a trip down memory lane and remember some of the DUDs from my past.  I’ve given some brief quotes from these fan favorite posts but to read the full post just click their names/titles.  With any luck there are more hopeful prospects out there than these.

DUD #5: Measuring Up

“…We arranged to meet.  He was over an hour late.  …  I knew he didn’t leave when he said he was going to and that screamed to me – maintenance.  I don’t do metro sexual.”

DUD #4: ADD Not for Me

“…A few minutes into the phone call I noticed something seemed off.  …  He asked a lot of questions and responded to everything.  Some of the responses were just a chill laid back voice, then others were passionately enraged.  We would be talking about a basic run-of-the-mill topic and then he would shout out, “Right? F%*& that Zia.  Who needs it?” OR “Screw’um.  Good for you Zia.  F$*# them.  F&^#@* bullshit, am I right?

Whoo – okay fella – breathe.

…between the phone call and the first meet I’m pretty sure he forgot my name, until one day when he called, after I told him I’d be working, and conveniently got my voicemail.

…his master plan for a second date was to smoke up.” 

DUD #3: Funny Stuff

“For anyone who has ever tried to contact someone via internet dating, standing out from the pack is crucial.  However, some of you should recheck your filter…

…my new favorite (email) came in the other day.  It’s so horrible that I wouldn’t do it justice to only explain it.  I present to you, spelling and punctuation mistakes and all, direct quote:

Subject: Funny Stuff

“so theres this drunk right? now hes wasted by noon and decides hes gotta pee so he whips it out and starts going in the middle of the street now this lady walking by stops stares and starts yelling “what an animal what a beast what a monster” the drunk says “easy lady easy I got a good hold on him” hope that got you to laugh and hope youll give me the chance to laugh alongside you soon”

          Oh, I’m laughing, but probably not for the reasons you would like.”

Later, since I responded to Funny Stuff and “tried to explain why it wasn’t the best approach,” he wrote back.  And “foreseeing his response, he accused me of having no sense of humor.  No, not the case I replied. 
Then he decided he wanted to start over.  He reintroduced himself.  Then I got a joke about a monkey holding a…”

And two of my personal favorites:

DUD #2: From my Wingwoman search – Sammy Boy He was, “I have to say, quite ballsy to answer a ‘wingwoman’ ad and blatantly ignore the woman part.”  His emails were classically entertaining with his verbal diarrhea.

And DUD #1: Mr. Fig Newton

“…The time between our second and third date my phone was flooded with more useless texts and again the word “sexy.” … I don’t know, something about hearing that over and over again from a man who hardly knows you is just creepy and pervy (and not pervy in a good way.)

…I was driving up again.  I didn’t mind because I had the day off and he didn’t. … I got to his house – no answer.  Here’s a suggestion: a girl is driving over an hour to see you – Be Home!”

 

       If this is your first read of these DUDs, I hope you understand my pain.  If you feel my pain, I’m super sorry.  And if you’ve been following my blog for a while, you know that these DUDs are just the tip of the iceberg.

     I do have some new men in the works and am keeping my fingers crossed.  However, if any of you know of any STUDs you’d like to send my way…my email is in the sidebar. Shy Whistler

Advertisements

16 Comments »

  1. STUDS…..Stable, Tasty, Uber Denizens of Sexiness? Huh. No, I married the only one that I found. Sorry. But I do have some great guys that I’d love to send your way. My SuperGroom is working on the rights to the “You Should Date my Friend” website- the newest online dating site. Mama J and I are already working on your profile.

    Lets see, I think I’ll start yours with “Zia- She’s vivacious, stacked, and witty- you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who is her equal. She’s wickedly clever and has a sharp mind, so you’ll need to be able to keep up. Men of short stature, patience and intellect need not apply.”

    I wonder how quickly I can get Bachelor B, C, the Blonde, and Hopeful Henry on my new dating site……..Better question yet…I wonder how quickly I can get you to move to the East Coast!

    • ziazitella Said:

      STUDs (aka Seriously Terrific, Utterly Devoted Dudes) according to Dr. D, from my Love in 90 Days quest.
      I love this comment. After reading this, I’d totally date me. Curious, what happened to Bachelor A and how are you going to get me to move to the East Coast?

      • Bachelor A lives in the Mid Coast. Not East, Not West and you never actually saw him so…..

        Of course you would date you. But I would be curious if you would be turned off by you, or would there be sparks?

      • ziazitella Said:

        Mmm…very good question.

  2. Mama J Said:

    We need to soften Zia up a bit, something to the effect of, “she has really soft mangos.” But I would like to add that she is a fantastic chef of homemade Italian (because the way to man’s heart is through his stomach). If Zia would send her resume to my friend in the Top Secret Joint, she could get a job and move East!

    • ziazitella Said:

      I don’t know if I’m flattered or disturbed that you’re both making comments regarding my “mangoes.”

      • I think we should combine the mangoes and the cooking. She cooks like an angel in the kitchen- you’ll fall for her pasta, but you’ll become a slave when you see what she prepares with her mangoes for dessert.

        I second the East Coast move. You need a better class of men- we have them on the East Coast! I’m willing to work on reforming Bachelor B to stop smoking before your arrival 😉

  3. Jay Said:

    I make ice cream? That enough to make you move east?

    • ziazitella Said:

      Seeing that I think ice cream is it’s own food group – heck yeah, that could be enough. First thing’s first, have you mastered a perfect chocolate peanut butter cup? And how’s your mint chip?

      • Jay Said:

        my mint chip is the best around… its white, no food coloring. During the summer I make 2 peanut butter flavors, first is choc ice cream with chunky peanut butter… second is peanut butter ice cream, choc swirl with mini peanut butter cups…

      • ziazitella Said:

        Enough said. After a few samples, looks like I may be relocating.

  4. Jay Said:

    So let me know when you get to Boston…

    • ziazitella Said:

      Hmm…might be headed out before the end of the year but you won’t have those chocolate peanut butter flavors then…

      • Jay Said:

        I will have at least one, just not both… probably the peanut butter ice cream one…

      • ziazitella Said:

        That’s good enough for me.

  5. C. Wexford Said:

    Great writing! I want more…


{ RSS feed for comments on this post} · { TrackBack URI }

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: