Out of Range

     I was less than thrilled when I had to get back to online dating to fulfill my project duties.  However, this time around I am using different sites.  Dr. Diana recommends using two, one large site and one “boutique.”  So I joined one large one, so far, and paid.  It’s crap, but I’ll save that for a different post.  I’m going to share the good stuff you’ve been waiting for.

     First off, I stated a few things on my profile that I thought were rather important to me, one being location.  It’d sure be nice to date someone who, um, I don’t know, lives in my hemisphere.  Although that was clearly stated in my profile, this is what I’ve gotten so far:

Mr. Fly-by sent: “Hi Zia, How are you ? My names is Fly-by – I’m from brazil – 37 yr old
i’m a Flight Attendant of the Brazilian Airlines.
Single and i have no Childrens. i’d like to meet a
american girl for relationship.”  (Oh, I’m sure you do.)

I then clicked on his profile and read: Brazilian Man looking for a Interesting American Woman to relationship.  Hi, i started in this site now and i will open my profile
complete. I am from Brazil – São Paulo – 38 yr old (Thought you said 37?)., Singer (Thought you said you were a flight attendant?) – I think i’m a nice guy. I never get married before but i had a girlfrind for 10 years (Why do I want to know that?)
 and i do not have childrens. I’m a Flight Attendant (Oh, so you are a flight attendant?) since 1998 and i’ve always another dream that have a relationship with a american woman. (What about my profile makes you think I’m the answer to that wish?)
It’s my fisrt time here and i would like to know a interesting woman,any age i mean about 28-48 yr old (Didn’t realize “any” came with a cut off.)
ps: in fact a Preffer to know somobody who lives em FL (Dude, what part of CALIFORNIA, did you miss on my profile?  Aren’t you a flight attendant?  Shouldn’t you know where the heck LA is?  And WTF does “lives em FL” mean?)

Next we have Capt. Moron: “hi,i’m Capt.Moron..i viewed your profile and it caught me off my feet. (blah blah blah) i am here to explore your world (blah blah blah) i bet i will make you addicted to me. (cocky idiot) Distance is not a barrier in choosing my love (Good luck with that) and also age is just a number not a barrier for me also (Is that why your profile says 46 but your picture is that of a man in his early 20s?  Moron)..take care and stay out of trouble (Sure thing, pops)..If you have become interested in me (nope) reply me back via email (blah blah blah) and i will send you more pictures (Of who, someone else?)..thanks so much for your understanding..(What am I supposed to understand?)

Needless to say, I wasn’t the only one to think this guy was a wack-a-doodle.  The site took his profile down the next day.

Mr. Desert:   He’s a hottie, isn’t he?  The only thing his email contained was his yahoo ID.  The fact that I live in LA and he lives in Cairo, Egypt, apparently isn’t an issue for him?  What’s my opening line here?  “Sooo, how’s your camel?” 

     I’m really off to a great start here.  The majority of the rest were all one line emails with their phone numbers in them.  Oh, and of course my favorite, the one word, “Hi” with a smiley face email.  Yeah buddy, there’s a lot of hope for a relationship spawning off of those magically words.



  1. Fishy Said:

    First one gets my vote. Anyone who puts the letter ‘s’ on the end of plurals like children is bound to be good for a laugh. Go on, give him a shots.
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater – One Man’s Dating Diary*

    • ziazitella Said:

      Don’t worry about getting the laughs. Got it covered. He’s too far for me to give him a shots, but w/in my area, I have other foreign mens showing interest.

  2. Katarina Said:

    Hmmm, this could be a long 90 days. 🙂

  3. Jennifer Said:

    Why don’t some of these guys just come out and say, “I want to meet you, date you and marry you for a green card?” That would cut out a lot of BS.

    • ziazitella Said:

      Men like the challenge. Why would they state the obvious, right?

  4. Man-shopper Said:

    “How’s your camel?” seems to me to be a pretty fool-proof pick-up line. I might try that one the next time I’m out.

    I am loving these new additions to your Hall of Dumbasserie.

    • ziazitella Said:

      If the “camel” line works, I’ll be sure to pass that vital piece of info on.

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