Archive for June 2, 2010

Guy’s Dating Destruction

     Okay boys, your turn.  Dr. D gave women thirteen Deadly Dating Patterns, but guys . . . you have sixteen that you could fit into.  Here’s my take on them:

1)  SHY GUY – This wall isn’t going to stand up on its own.

2)  GEEK – What do you mean Magic: The Gathering isn’t an aphrodisiac?

3)  THE SAVIOR –

4)  THE COWARD – AAH!  What’s that!?  Oh, it’s just my shadow.  I’m okay, I’m okay.

5)  BURNT TOAST – AKA – Baggage.  And wears it like a badge.

6)  THE PETER PAN – Hi, I’m 40.  Mom does my laundry.  When she goes to buy groceries, I sneak down into the basement and get high.

7)  THE NEW AGER – A player in hippie format.

8)  THE TROPHY SEEKER – Here’s a Coach bag, an Armani dress, and a Tiffany’s necklace.  Now, please stand here, shut up, and smile.

9)  THE COMMITMENT PHOBE – A ball and chain is for criminals.  I’ve done no wrong, don’t fence me in.  Augh, I can’t breathe – open a window – your love is killing me.  How dare you.

10)  THE GRASS IS GREENER – A petite red-head just made eyes at me.  But wait, the blonde model is coming this way.  Hey, did you see the feisty brunette around the corner?  I’m going to get a closer look.

11)  THE FLAME OUT – Is “I love you” wrong to say on the first date?

12)  THE SLACKER – I am so busy.  Doing nothing takes up a lot of time.

13)  NOT PERFECT-I’LL PASS – Sadly I have a personal story for this one.  Amazing right?  Someone thought I wasn’t perfect.  As ADD said to me once:

     ADD: You’re awesome, like no one I’ve ever met.  I recently found out I have ADD.  Do you have anything?

     ME: Huh?

     ADD: Any mental disease or illness?  I love those.

     ME: No.

     ADD: Ah.  People’s mental imperfections really turn me on.  Too bad.

14)  THE ALCOHOLIC – ’nuff said.

15)  THE PLAYER –  In the words of George Michael, “I Want Your Sex.”

16)  THE PRICK – Hi.  I’m God.

      Men, are you aware of any of these habits?  Ladies, which of these have you stumbled upon?

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