The Imaginary 3rd Wheel

http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com has some pretty good stuff.  It got me thinking that I should share my worst date ever with you.

           I have blocked this man’s name from my memory so we’ll just call him Big Bug Eyed.

          On the phone I realized he didn’t really get my sense of humor, but found himself very amusing.  He seemed to be quite a talker, so there would be conversation, I thought.

          We met at a restaurant and were seated.  The man works in the medical field but went to culinary school; so, I thought maybe he’d have some good menu suggestions.  He ordered spaghetti & meatballs.  I was raised with the idea of order something you like but probably won’t make at home.  He said he always orders spaghetti & meatballs.  Not seeing how the tuition money was well spent.

          Anyway, during the course of the meal he talked…and talked…and talked.  He told stories about his life – none fascinating – and often used the empty chair to his left to speak to the imaginary person from his story.  I understand turning your head to add emphasis to a story but this was insane.  By the end of the night I was actually seeing a person in that chair too.

          He told one story about people saying or someone thinking he was gay.  “I’m not gay,” he shouted to the imaginary chair guy.  “I’m not gay.  Other people may be and it’s okay, but I’m not gay.”  Dude, I know.  I’m on the date with you – stop shouting.

          I asked what he was doing on the 4th of July, giving him the perfect opportunity to, in turn, ask me.  Well that didn’t happen.  His soliloquy took us into dessert.

          When I thought the conversation couldn’t get any worse, there it was, the mention of the Ex.  I have to say, the first time a guy talked about his Ex on a date with me, I was in disbelief.  I really thought it only happened in movies.  But Big Bug Eyed beat him by a landslide.  Not only was she an Ex, she was his ex-fiancée.  I heard about her, her parents, all the details of how he proposed, why they broke up, how her parents were a cause for the break up – oh dear God it went on.

          I excused myself and went to the bathroom at one point.  On my way up the stairs my mind was racing – who can I find, who can save me, I need to get out of here.  I got to the bathroom and called my best friend.  I have never walked out on a date but I really really wanted to.  I chatted with her for a minute to regain my sanity, hung up, and then thanked my lucky stars I had a cold and drove myself.

          When I returned to the table he asked if I wanted dessert and I said no thank-you.  My cold had almost completely cleared up but I had just enough phlegm left to pull off a convincing cough.  I told him it was time for my cough syrup which I left in my car.

          We left and got in the elevator to the parking garage.  Fortunately he was on a couple floors below me so we weren’t heading in the same direction.  I got to my car, drove off, and saw him standing by his car on his phone talking on my way down.  I sped by and ducked so he wouldn’t see me.

          On my drive home I got a text saying what a great time he had.  Oh, My.  Then I got home and had another text saying that he made it home safely.  Good for you, I didn’t ask and didn’t care.  The next day I get another text asking me what plans I had for the 4th

Dude, seriously!?  Now you want to ask me?

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5 Comments »

  1. Katarina Said:

    Hmm, sounds like he needed a therapy session more than a date. Ah well, makes for interesting stories, right? 🙂

    • arjenrr Said:

      Lot of daters seem to be looking for a therapist rather than a date. Even the therapists I dated…

  2. Jimmy Said:

    Haha, great story and a truly awful date. That rivals some of mine. Oh, and I’m loving your use of the word ‘dude’…
    http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

  3. kitty moore Said:

    I’m so sorry you have to deal with so many nutters – but at least you got a great post out of it!

  4. Wow! What a headcase! I wonder if this guy could hear himself – the ex factor turns me off, like any other normal person. This scenario would make a great sitcom, in fact your whole blog could be a sitcom.


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